Substance abuse and celebrity go together like spaghetti and meatballs (or lamb and tuna fish if you prefer). It seems like every day some photog is snapping revealing photos about some celeb that the rest of us used to think was so "well balanced". When it comes to Hollywood, I am never surprised anymore. Whitney once said crack was "whack", but then the bitch lost her mind. Lindsey Lohan used to be that cute kid from Disney's Parent Trap, but now she's the poster child for yayo. The list goes on and on. When I started brainstorming ideas for this list my original idea was Top Five Celebrities that need to go to rehab, but as you can see there are way to many for a Top Five. So then I thought, who are the celebs that are just genuinely out of their minds without the help of chemical additives? Here are the top five celebrities that are a few fries short of a Happymeal.
5. Britney Spears
I genuinely feel bad for Brittany. If people followed me around 24/7, taking pictures of my private areas, I might fly off the handle too. The American public has had the opportunity to watch the mental destruction of this young girl over the past year, and it hasn't been pretty. First people thought she was just a bad parent. Then we thought she might just have a substance abuse problem. Now we have all come to understand that Brittany is mental. Her insanity has even drawn like minded followers to her cause (see below). Who knew that Spears' 1999 recording of You Drive Me Crazy would be a glimpse into this disturbed woman's future?
4. Gary Busey
Gary Busey has taken crazy and turned it into a successful career. Can you think of a film with Gary Busey where you didn't say, "Damn, this dude is out of his mind!?" The reality show I'm with Busey was disturbing because the audience came to the realization that Busey's behavior wasn't an act, he's literally insane. A google or yahoo search with the keywords "Crazy Busey" will provide hours of entertainment. Don't believe me, try it. Those closest to the epicenter of the Buseyquake in Hollywood have fresher crazy feed updates, but without getting into too many specifics here, let's just say this guy in certifiable.
3. Ted Nugent
Ted Nugent is mad intelligent, but also extremely crazy. This Second Amendment loving outdoorsman is surprisingly outspoken, given his only contribution to society thus far has been "Cat Scratch Fever" and "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang". Much like Gary Busey, it took a VH1 reality television show called Surviving Nugent to reveal how far off center this guy really was. If the United States wanted to scare the rest of the world into submission, the State Department should air clips of Nugent's show on a continuous loop with words, "All Americans are like this..." scrolling on the bottom of the screen. After that point we wouldn't need to worry about foreign invasion ever again.
2. Anne Heche
Anne Heche has been doing a lot of hard work to shed the label of "crazy". While people say that the show "Men in Trees" is quite enjoyable, I can't get into it because or her. Some readers of the "V" list may not be old enough to recall Anne's plunge into insanity. Anne used to be the lovable partner of America's sweetheart Ellen Degeneres. Following their break-up, Anne did several interviews and wrote a book (entitled Call me Crazy) where she said that she was the daughter of God and Celestia, a half-sibling of Jesus. Uh huh.
1. Michael Jackson the King of Crazy
David Chapelle said, "...he made Thriller." I guess that was enough for Dave (who has problems of his own) to give the King of Pop a pass for all his unusual behavior. Jackson's inappropriate behavior and obsession with children is not the only criteria we're using here. The man builds a theme park in his back yard, supposedly sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber, and keeps some odd pets. Michael Jackson combines elements of almost all five people on this list, rolls them into one person, and adds his own distinct flavor.
Who's your favorite crazy celebrity? Did I leave anything out? Yell at us in a comment or email firstname.lastname@example.org