Wednesday, May 14, 2008


When not thinking about serious, cerebral things like our future policies, or the state of the nation and public affairs. I think about other serious topics, like how I'd like to bite it as an action hero co-star. You know what I'm talking about, there's always the friend of the hero that takes a brutal death blow as an example of the awesome lethality of the movie's villain. Here are my top-five ways to get taken out in an action flick.

5. Sucker Punch causing fall through plate glass

A sky-light would be awesome. Nothing says awesome death like plunging through a plate-glass window. I think I should have the upper hand in the fight when our hero slips me the wicked uppercut on a building ledge.

4. Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick

The master laying the one-foot smack down would be pretty perfect. However, since so many people have met their end at the force of the kick, I would need mine to be distinct, hopefully ending in decapitation.

3. The Professional Way

The classic anti-hero self sacrifice. After killing for a living my whole life, I am inspired by a small but fiesty young lady. In my service to her I find myself in the fight of my life. Rather than protect myself I decide to blow myself up and take her would-be killers with me.

2. The Neck Snap

Ever notice how easy it is to snap someone neck with your bare hands in an action flick? It happens 2-4 times an hour. Turn head to right, quick rotate left...and dead. Sometimes, I'm at work hoping Jet Li will sneak up behind me and take me out this way

1. Ala the original "Indy"

I want to have a prolonged fist fight with our villian, one in which I am clearly besting him round for round shot for shot and after our fight carries us to the airstrip I lay him flat on his back with a tremendous right cross. As he cowers I suspect it is because of my might, instead, its because whirring propellers are about to slice me to ribbons....


Bryan Pol said...

That was a number one for the ages! Indy will dominate the box office for weeks to come. I CANNOT WAIT. By the way, the Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular at MGM Studios never did justice to the actual moment depicted in 'Raiders.'

Mike Pol said...

I think the ultimate death would have to be like Boromir;s in the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring when he takes about ten arrows to the chest and somehoe survives them all, then dies very slowly.

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