Thursday, May 8, 2008

Commander in Chump!

With the election looming in the fall and the nominations all but settled I figured we'd kick off the "V" list with the worst and most ineffective executive officers of all time. Our founding fathers originally intended for the President to be the "best man" for the job. Analyzing some of the decisions forced on the electorate over the history of this great country it's hard for me to believe that some of these men fit that criteria.
10. William H. Taft
Very few Americans remember his trust busting, however they do remember his over sized bust. American students will forever remember Taft as the obese president that was stuck in his bathtub. Perhaps the only lasting achievement one can attribute to him (if the legend is true) is the tradition of the seventh inning stretch at baseball games began when Taft stood to stretch during a game and the crowd rose out of respect.
9. Ulysses Grant
Asleep at the wheel, Grant found himself incapable of handling the office of the presidency. The Grant administration was like an episode of Politicians Gone Wild. Grant is spared a higher place on the list because he never personally benefitted from the corruption.
8. "Warren G" Harding
While I loved your rap album in the mid 90's, your presidency left much to be desired. Way to sit back and chill while your "homies" pillaged the national treasury. Even Harding admitted that he was never fit for the job of president. If you had regulated, things might have been different.
7. Bill Clinton
Probably my most controversial pick for the top ten, who knows how history will look upon the Clinton years. What's shameful is that technological development and economic growth experienced during his term in office will all be overshadowed by the fact that he got a B.J. in the oval office. Infidelity and the presidency goes all the way back to Monticello, but damn you took it to a whole new level.

6. George W. Bush
Campaigning as a compassionate conservative, Bush perpetrated, in my opinion, one of the worst lies on the American people costing some 4000 (and counting) lives. The man's reasoning for the war in Iraq has changed more times than Michael Jackson's face. With other corruption to still be uncovered, this administration will certainly go down as one of the worst.
5. Jimmy Carter
It says something about a President when he allows the most powerful and affluent nation in the world to get kicked around by some gun toting yahoos from the Middle East. I might not respect George W. Bush for lying to the American people over Iraq, but at least he had the balls to blow up the people that pissed him off. Your handling (if you could call it that) of the Iranian hostage crisis remains to this day your most defining moment as President, and that's just sad.
4. Herbert Hoover
You took ineffective to a whole new level my friend. During a time of national crisis you proved to be one of the worst communicators in American history. While you probably get more blame than you deserve, people viewed you as one of the most disingenuous presidents of all time. Huddle masses of unemployed made your name synonymous with failure. You're lucky you even got the Hoover Dam named after you with all the crap you pulled.
3. William Harrison
Come on this guy was only in office for 30 days before dying of pneumonia. What's worse is that the idiot caught pneumonia after delivering the longest inauguration address (100 minutes) in history at the age of 68 in the snow without bothering to wear a hat or coat.

2. Richard Nixon
Way to shit all over the office of president Dick! You did more to soil the office of the president with the Watergate scandal than any other President in history. American faith in politicians has never quite been the same.

1. James Buchanan
Not really a shocker here folks, but you can't put a shine on shit. Buchanan was absolutely the worst, allowing the Southern states to secede while sitting idly by. If you can't even keep the country that you are leader of together, in my opinion you just suck.

Well there it is, the first "V" List. Now is the time where you comment, disagree, and tell me how wrong I am. Or you can make my job easy by stroking my ego and telling me my list is dead on. Your choice.


Anthony L said...

I think your too nice to slick willy. All he did was oversee an economic boom caused by the internet and get a bj on the oval office......On second thought maybe that earns him points?

steve hawthorne said...

ok... this is now officially one of my favorite blogsites. well done, marcky marc.

Patrick said...

Funny how back in HS I was all the way to the right, 10 years later, I am a little more in the middle.

Clinton disgusted me ten years ago, but as stated, at least we had an economic boom at the time. But, I'm sure we all can agree the key word is oversaw, Greenspan and his guys actually did the work.

Bush 2 started ok, but, well, good lord I won't get started.

Buchanan: Good call, I actually think Tricky Dick should be lower, he was sleazy, but at least he didn't pull a Hillary and stick around too long.

Hoover and Buchanan both were just horrible.

One could argue that FDR was the worst, (and at the same time, the best) being that we really have him to thank for the welfare state.
However, the New Deal programs were necessary at the time to kickstart the economy. They just stayed around too long, which you can't really blame on FDR. He was also the right man for the war.