Monday, May 12, 2008

Dialogue From Top Gun

One movie stands at the pinnacle of 80's testosterone. Rambo II is second, but a distant second to the magnum opus of manliness that is Top Gun. For the record, it's a bromance movie, not an ode to all things homo erotic. But if that's how you want to enjoy it, power to ya. Regardless, there are some absolute gems of dialogue and moments that have forever changed the American and the American male lexicons. Here are my picks for the best of the best.

5. Maverick: I feel the need...
Maverick and Goose: ...the need for speed!

It's the movie's catchphrase. It's ubiquitous. Lame people say it when they get in their Toyotas and rev the engine before picking up their kids from soccer practice. You can't escape it, you can only hope to contain it. And odds are, at some point in your life, you've uttered these the exact rhythm of Maverick and Goose. You may have even yelped in celebration afterwards and hit someone with an emphatic high five. Don't kid yourself. You're not fooling anybody else.

4. Iceman: You can be my wingman any time.
Maverick: Bullshit. You can be mine.

The ultimate bromance line. Not to mention the genesis of "the wingman," aka: the guy who helps his buddy out and goes in on his wing and interjects stupid lines to make his friend appear cool by comparison when he tries lamely to pick up a girl at a bar or social function. There's a faint hint of praise for both parties involved, but no one comes right out and says, "Hey, I love you, man. I care about your well being." It's about the closest two guys can get to a lovefest without crossing the erotic neutral zone. And, again, you know you've used the term "wingman" at some point. Ladies, I mean you, too.

3. Maverick: She's lost that loving feeling.
Ever since Maverick and Goose picked up a microphone and led a bar full of drunken Naval aviators in serenading Kelly McGillis with "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," every man has dreamed of recreating this moment. And I think, secretly, so has every woman.

2. Slider: Goose who's butt did you kiss to get in here anyway?
Goose: The list is long, but distinguished.
Slider: Yeah, well so is my Johnson.
Oh, Slider. How you cut to the core. This is without a doubt one of the biggest, "what did he just say?" lines in cinematic history. It takes a few seconds to register just how ridiculous it is. And then, when you fully comprehend its brilliance, you suddenly want to find subtle ways to incorporate it into your own personal lexicon. It's the cooler, edgier cousin of "That's what she said" - only superior because you make the statement in reference to yourself! Go ahead, try it at the watercooler tomorrow. You'll either get big kudos, or a big slap.

1. Iceman: "chomp"
No one knows why Val Kilmer makes this chomp at Tom Cruise. It may be the singular strangest acting choice in history. That's what a Juliard certificate gets you? Also, you have to wonder how much it hurts Val's pearly, blindingly white teeth. Ouch! Seriously, though...this is classic. It defines everything about Iceman and has made Val the Iceman forever (the only exception being his incredible turn as Doc Holiday in Tombstone. totally underrated flick!). But because it's so Val...for my money, this is by far the best bit of dialogue in the movie.


Bryan Pol said...

This gets my nod for post of the week. I am speechless. 'Top Gun' may be the most underrated film of all time, and your post is a testament to that fact. What saddens me, however, is that Anthony Edwards was not the man we remembered when he starred on ER. One other key line I would have noted: "Take me to bed now or lose me forever!" If there is anything we can remember Meg Ryan by, it's that bit of dialogue.

Marc V said...

Love the iceman animated gif, what a great find!