Friday, May 23, 2008

Manly Maness

Growing up I was surrounded by a loving mother and three younger sisters. While I consider myself the manliest of manly men, there have been times where my possession of the man-card was threatened. Before the list...a caveat there are countless reasons why a man card my get rejected. I invite all of you to post your own reasons in the comment section, but first. Check out this definitive list of reasons for revocation of the man-card.
#5. You have ever enjoyed Sex in the City.

The show that is all things un-man. Prada, tampons, strappy sandals and women catevching because too many sucessful, good looking men are interested in them. If you have ever sat on the couch with a glass of wine enjoying an episode of this woman-infested informercial for over-priced crap people can't're man card goes to the shredder.

#4. You Can't Accurately and briefly explain the infield fly rule.

I know its a tough one...but want to keep the man card...the comment section awaits...

#3. You own more than one Alanis Morisette CD

We were all curious back in the 90's about the crazy Canadian we saw get slimed as a teenager, ranting and raving about her bad breakup and having 2000 spoons...blah blah. Well you might have bought her more recent CDs-curious about your sensitive, feminine side...wait you did? Man-card BURNED!

#2- You're cup size is greater than AA.

Listen boys, if you're checking out your significant other's bra collection not because you like to imagine your girl in her lacy's but because you think you might need some extra support up top- You have exactly 45 seconds to get in the gym lift some iron and run the treadmill, card revoked.

#1-You can't tell the difference between a lager, a pilsner, and a stout.

Listen man-children. It's one thing not to be able to explain the complex inner workings of a V-8 hemi, maybe you have the woodworking skills of a small dutch woman, maybe you have the athletic prowess of Bryant Gumble (who's man card was reject a number of years ago) but some knowledge you must possess if you wish to possess your man-card. If you don't better get on it.


Patrick said...

I will fully admit I LLOOOOOOOOOVVEEEE Tori Amos. She is a fantastic musician. I saw her live many times, but in 1999 we saw a few shows on a tour she did with Alanis Morrisette. Alanis was still huge at the time, and Tori was the opening act. 90% of the entire place both nights left as soon as Tori was finished (including us). As far as i'm concerned, no one should be listening to her at all. Do yourself a favor and at least give Tori Amos a try.

As far as the infield fly rule, I agree, there has been a few times my manliness has been validated by knowing the infield fly rule. However, I am pretty damn sure that half the umps in MLB doesn't properly even know the rule.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I don't know if I should be offended because you just called my brother gay or am I more manly because I do know those things?

Michael said...

two words: fanny pack