Friday, May 16, 2008

Top Five People to Resurrect for a Beer

In the movie Fight Club, Brad Pitt and Edward Norton discuss what famous figures (alive or dead) they would love to beat down. This got me thinking, I'm not really a violent person, and don't necessarily see myself fighting Abraham Lincoln with his long reach. Nor do I see myself fighting the Mahatma, trying to provoke him out of his strategies of non-violence just to bloody my own knuckles. I would however love to resurrect some people for the sake of sitting down with them to throw back a Lager or two. Here's a list of dead people who need to go Thriller so I can spend a few good minutes with them over a brew.
5. J.R.R. Tolkien
Everybody loves a good story, and Tolkein is the king of epic tales. Imagine what he would be like with a few Heineken's in him? You'd have the entire bar huddled around the two of you listening to his intricate tales of orcs and elves doing battle. Hell you wouldn't even need the television in the corner of the bar to distract you from the boring parts of the conversation, cause there wouldn't' be any. Get him ripped up enough, you might even get another Hobbit book out of the whole deal. You thinking what I'm thinking? Sequel.
4. John Belushi
Anybody who's seen Animal House is nodding their head in approval with me right now. This guy is a party animal! Admit it, that sometimes when you go out you want to get belligerent and watch people do dumb things. With Belushi as your wingman you would clean house at virtually every beer game known to man. The downside to this pick is the high probability of engaging in a bar fight by the end of the night when Belushi pukes all over some poor girl at the bar.
3. Henry VIII
Speaking of the ultimate wingman, if Henry VIII is anything like Jonathan Rhys Meyers on Tudors, you are set with the ladies. Additionally, I think it would be great to just chill with this jolly ol' dude for a night. If one dared, I'm sure you could have some great debates over religion with him, plus he might bring St. Thomas More along for the night. Jackpot!

2. Lee Harvey Oswald
Alright Lee, I got to know, who did it? I saw Oliver Stone's JFK and my life has never been the same. My strategy, get this dude drunk enough to sing about everything dark in his past, including who shot from the book depository window. I might have to endure his long winded rhetoric on Communism versus Capitalism, but that's a risk I'm willing to take in order to gain access to the greatest American secret of the 20th century.
1. Gandhi
Tyler Durden wants to bludgeon Gandhi, I want to chat him up. The man is a vat of philosophical knowledge and is still regarded as the Rosetta Stone for changing the world peacefully. If you ever had time to read some of his quotes and writings, he's mad smart. Everybody knows that eventually you need friends with substance, or you stop hanging out with them. Sure, Henry is great with the ladies, Belushi is wacky as hell, Tokein spins a good tale, but I need a friend who's going to give me sound advice to live by. If I can catch him in between a fast for non-violence, I'll take Gandhi for a beer, hands down.

1 comment:

Bryan Pol said...

Jackie Robinson would make my list, although he channels a similar vibe to Gandhi. How about Mickey Mantle? He's got the baseball legend/Animal House antics psyche going for himself. Nice list, b.t.dub.