Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Hey Bro, Your Metro is Showing...

In our post on Reality Shows to Fill Your Summer, one of our readers commented that my selection of "So You Think You Can Dance" exposed my "metro" for all to see. The urban dictionary defines a metrosexual as " who a heightened sense of taste, style, hygiene, and fashion." It made me think, are there moments, actions, or choices that reveal the metrosexual inside all of us? The "V" list conducted some independent research and came up with the top five dead giveaways that your metrosexual might be showing. While this list may seem testosterone laden or critical of people that do these things, the author will fully admit that he has committed many of the actions below, and remains comfortable in his own masculinity.

5. Fruity Drinks

If everybody around you is throwing back beer and you're drinking Cosmopolitans, Bay Breezes, and Amaretto Sours, then you're metro is hanging out for all to see. Don't be surprised if every male within a ten foot radius is staring at you like you have two heads. There are however exceptions to this rule. First, if it is extremely hot outside and the party host is offering frozen beverages, then the male gets a pass. Second, if the keg / beer supply has been exhausted and you are thirsty, throwing down whatever is left over on the counter is acceptable. Finally, if the beer has skunked (or it can be found on Michael's list of bitter beers,) then you are ok to drink fruit filled drinks.

4. "Manscaping"

We should all agree that management of man hair is a sound practice to engage in. However just like so many things in life, all things are best when done in moderation. To quote Dave Chapelle, "I heard of trimming the hedges, but you gone scorched the earth!" Some men have taken self-grooming to a whole new level. As urban dictionary says, you might be metro if you shave more than your face...

3. Shoes

If you own more shoes and sneakers than your wife/significant other, I suggest putting your metro in check. Most men own a pair of sneakers, work shoes, blacks, browns, and a pair a sandals for the summer. My work shoes are my old pair of sneakers that began to disintegrate into dust because I wore them for so long. If you have a specific pair of shoes / sneakers that match the color of specific shirts, pants, or outfits, then I'd hate to tell you this, but you're metro is showing.

2. Tanning

I subscribe to the Elizabethan skin tone, also known as "the skeletor". It's not that I am against being tan, I just think it would seem very awkward to journey into a tanning salon and then fake and bake. Most men are only bronze from June until September before fading back into a nice shade of white. If you're glowing and it's mid-February, I would suggest contacting metrosexuals anonymous.

1. Jeans that cost more than a tank of gas
Lord knows that jeans are getting expensive, but if you cannot stomach buying a pair of jeans that costs below 80 dollars, you might be metro. There are a wide variety of styles, brands, and colors that come at affordable prices. If buying jeans at the local shopping mall makes you feel like a peasant then you've achieved a whole new level of metrosexuality. Newsflash holmes but most women do not pay attention to the tag on the inside of your jeans, so get over it.
If you can think of anything else to round out this list, yell at us in a comment.


Michael said...

dude, i used to knock expensive jeans until i bought a pair. they look good. damn good. like billy joel says, you can't dress trashy til you spend a lot of money.

Cam said...

I guess we know who's Metro is showing now XD