Monday, June 9, 2008

Don't Mess with the Dark Lord!

While several films have been stamped by the mark of the beast, not all recreations of the master of all evil stand out as remarkable. There are two types of horror films, ones that scare you and then ones that make you open your bible and start praying for forgiveness. The following movies breathed new life into the biblical bad ass that has been hell bent on stealing your soul since the dawn of mankind. The "V" list presents the top 5 appearances by Lucifer in a major motion picture...

5. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut

Trey Stone and Matt Parker's version of Beelzebub will not have you running for the hills, but it will cause you physical pain from all the non-stop laughter you will experience from watching this movie. Satan's homosexual love affair and verbal spats with Saddam Hussein steal the show, and prooves that even the Dark Lord has a soft side. While he was Saddam's bitch for most of the movie, in the end Satan showed us all that when you cross the dark lord, the entire planet is doomed. Don't count out this movie just because it's a cartoon. While it's a rip off of Canadian Bacon (to some degree) the movie will have you laughing from start to finish and will give you a whole new perspective on the inner workings of hell.
4. The Devil's Advocate

Keanu Reeves may only have one emotion in his acting repertoire (surprise), but in the Devil's Advocate he played the crap out of that emotion when he discovers that the Devil is in the details. I'm not surprised that Al Pacino is Satan, since I always knew something was awry with him. He is way to angry for a normal person, and you knew that rage came from somewhere deep and dark. In this film the Devil uses the legal system in a clever attempt to bring forth the anti-christ along with hell on earth. If not for free-will, we'd all be totally screwed. Without spoiling the end of the movie let me just say that movie fans cannot miss this screen gem from 1997.

3. The Prophecy


Hands down, Christopher Walken is one of the scariest dudes of all time. He could play any role and I would still lose sleep at night. While the role of Lucifer in this film went to Viggo Mortensen, it didn't seem to matter. This movie scared the living crap out of me and to this day I cannot watch this film without reverting to the fetal position. In the end, the Angel Gabriel (Walken) gets smoked by satan, who is mad pissed about Gabe's meddling in the war that has been raging in heaven for centuries. There are two sequels to this film, but neither one can compare with the genius of the original. A must see for Satan lovers all over the world.
2. The Omen

When I say The Omen, I'm not talking about the garbage remake from 2006 that starred Julia Styles and Liev Schreiber. The original Omen remains one of the freakiest movies of all time and will have you reading the "good book" all over again to ask forgiveness in only 111 minutes (the runtime of the film.) I bet Lee Remick wishes she just left that damn kid in the hospital. Let this be a lesson to all of you, don't steal babies from strangers because it might just turn out to be the spawn of satan that you grab mistakingly.

1. The Exorcist

In addition to providing some of the most iconic horror film moments, this film excels at renewing your love with religion. An obvious downside to viewing The Exorcist is a sharp dislike for pea soup and Linda Blair. If you're like me, then you can't watch this film when you're alone or when it's completely dark in the room. When I was a kid this film scared the crap out of me so much that it took an extra two or three hours to get to sleep at night. The moral of the story is that when Satan wants something bad enough, it's probably a good idea to just let him have it and mind your own damn business.

The power of Christ compels you to leave a comment, or suffer eternal damnation!

1 comment:

Ernie Breiner said...

Two Words... Event Horizon. Rent it if you don't believe me.