Thursday, June 19, 2008

Top 5 Fictional Kiddie Gangs!

They may not be as diabolical as the Bloods, Crips, or Latin Kings, but these gangs can give the "man" a run for his money all the same. Their collective talents range from slaying hordes of the undead to wreaking havoc in a high school library. Law-abiding citizens can't seem to win with these miscreants, especially when these troubled youth focus their energy on doing something good for the community. Even attempts to "do the right" thing by these troubled teens seems to be another police report in the making. The "V" list presents the most diabolical posses in film and television under the age of 18.

5. The Monster Squad

This 1987 flick taught us all that in addition to being vulnerable to silver bullets, the wolf-man has "nards". Almost two decades before Van Helsing did battle with Dracula and his minions, The Monster Squad was on the job, kicking arse and taking names. Surprisingly enough, none of the members of Monster Squad managed much of a career after their work in this oscar-worthy flick. I especially love the final scene of the film when the kids do battle with the forces of darkness in the middle of the town square, yet nobody is around to notice. If you desire a good laugh, check out the five dollar bin at Wal-Mart for what I guarantee will be a well spent hour and half.

4. The Little Rascals

The Rascals earn a spot on this five purely because they are the O.G's (Original Gangsters) when it comes to kiddie crews. With names like "Spanky", "Froggy", and "Buckwheat" you knew they meant business. I think they invented juvenile hall to deal with kids like these. It goes to show that even in "the good ol' days" some parents just dropped the ball when it came to raising their kids. The Little Rascals are so B.A. that save for the 1960's and the new millennium, they have inspired a television show or movie in every single decade since the 1950's. That's what I call longevity holmes!

3. The Heathers
Those surprised by Winona Ryder's trouble with the law obviously never saw the film Heathers. Ryder plays Veronica Sawyer, a troubled teen who finds comfort in another psychotic youth played by Christian Slater. Together the pair decide to take down the nastiest click in the whole school, The Heathers. I'm not exactly sure who's worse in this film, the blonde nasties, or the homicidal goth kids. Just trust me that when you have intentions of blowing up the whole student body during an assembly, you earn a spot on my list.

2. The Breakfast Club
Prior to their serendipitous meeting during a Saturday detention, members of The Breakfast Club had successful careers as solo-artists. It goes to show that whether you are a jock, prep, goth, brainiac, or dirtbag you too can have a successful career as a teenage badass. I like to think of the B-fast club as the lions from Voltron. On their own, they were a force to be reckoned with, but when combined they were simply unstoppable. I would hate to be the principal that had to deal with these kids come monday morning. The filmakers couldn't make a sequel to this film because the school was set ablaze the very next day. The only evidence the police could find was a red bandana with a note signed, "Yours truly, The Brat Pack..."

1. The Goonies

Sloth loves Chunk, and I love the Goonies. I applied for membership in this gang, but apparently I had no special talents to offer. I couldn't do the truffle shuffle, I couldn't invent things like slick shoes, and my technique on giving a lickery kiss is terrible. Let's examine for a second how amazing the Goonies' resume is. First, they made it farther than Chester Copperpot ever did in searching for One Eye'd Willies' treasure. Secondly, they took on the Fratelli gang and came out on top. Finally, the saved the entire town of Astoria from certain doom by bailing out its troubled treasury. And did I mention that they did all these things despite the fact that Mikey had a wicked bad case of asthma. In addition to being totally B.A, The Goonies teach us all that dreams never come true when you take a ride up Troy's bucket.
Any other crews miss out on the list? Holler back at us in a comment.


Michael said...

Cobra Kai, brotha. Cobra Kai. "Fear does not exist, in this dojo...does it? NO SENSEI!"

Marc V said...

That weak ass gang got PWNED by a fake ass black belt. How tough can they be. And John Creese had his knuckles messed us...honorable mention.

Philip said...

Brilliant!!!Amor De...

Ernie Breiner said...

Fantastic! An inspired list!

CZ said...

Hahahaha, the Monster Squad! I haven't thought about that movie in years.