Before They Were Sex Icons

Have you ever watched a film, did a double take, and said, "OMG, I didn't know that person was in this movie." There nothing better than discovering a Hollywood sexual icon in a role they would rather forget. The following actors and actresses have moved onto to greener pastures, but they will never forget their role as the mad scientists, the stoner, the computer hacker, or the blood sucking night walker. The "V" list would like to remind you of roles that you may not remember and sometimes you would like to forget.

5. Angelina Jolie

Angelina's career is on fire, she is in a zillion magazines, and I think she's going to adopt the country of Kenya this summer. Before she became a media giant and mother earth, Angelina was seducing computer geeks in the 1995 film Hackers. In the film Angelina was rocking a "Bob" haircut and was emo long before it was even fashionable. I saw it last summer and it is laughable when you consider the technology in the film and how "advanced" it was only ten years ago. I marveled at how much was done over a dial-up modem. If you're jonesing for early Angelina there are a ton of other films I would recommend before watching Hackers, most notably Girl Interrupted, The Bone Collector, and Pushing Tin.

4. Jessica Alba

James Cameron's Dark Angel transformed Alba from quirky high school chick into Hollywood sex icon. Four years before Dark Angel, Jessica was the girl who had the dog food dumped on her in Never Been Kissed starring Drew Barrymore. In an even more obscure role Alba played the female love interest in the movie Idle Hands. Since you probably missed that screen gem, so allow me to summarize it's complex plot. A couch potato's hand is possessed by Satan and he literally has to battle his demonic appendage for the duration of the movie. In my opinion, Evil Dead did it better. As with Hackers, don't feel compelled to go out and rent this movie to catch a glimpse of Alba, the hour and a half of mind numbing pain will not be worth the five minutes of screen time the director allocated to her.

3. Brad Pitt

It's rare when a character who delivers a total of four lines can steal the show. Brad Pitt's character, Floyd, in the movie True Romance was something to behold. Immediately after this film, Pitt embarked on what I like to call the Golden Age of his career. Interview, Legends of the Fall, and Seven all followed his unforgettable role as the man who took bong hits out of a plastic honey bear. While I strongly recommended you avoid Hackers and Idle Hands, True Romance will not disappoint. Romance has a star studded cast and an amazing final shootout scene that will put your surround sound to the test. My only recommendation is to turn the sound off during the wacky xylophone solos that made their way into the film's soundtrack.

2. Kirsten Dunst

Does anybody remember the little vampire girl from that movie? Yeah, that young girl was Oscar nominee Kirsten Dunst. I would point out that it wasn't a mercy nomination because she was really wonderful in the film. I have always felt that Kirsten Dunst never recovered from her early brilliance in Vampire. When it was rumored that Mary Jane died in Spider Man 3, I was seriously excited that it might mean Dunst would return to better roles. Early in her career, Dunst also starred alongside Robin Williams in Jumanji and was the little Bosnian refugee in the film Wag the Dog. Kirsten's career has seen its share of ups (Marie Antoinette, Eternal Sunshine, Elizabethtown) and downs (Bring it On, Crazy Beautiful, Wimbeldon) since playing Nosferatu alongside Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt. It's shameful they had to burn her alive in the film, because I would love to see her reprise her role as an immortal.

1. Val Kilmer

I've always wanted to fill some body's house with popcorn kernels and then heat them with a giant laser beam from orbit. I would then evacuate to a safe distance and watch as the house was ripped apart by the biggest Jiffy Pop known to man. What would make this celebration complete? How about jamming out to the Tears for Fears song "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"? While I would love to say this idea was an original thought, it came to me courtesy of the 1985 film Real Genius. In this film Val Kilmer plays Chris Knight, boy genius who invents the world's strongest laser as his final college science project. The laser is hijacked and turned into a weapon by the U.S. military, but before they can properly test their newfound firepower, Knight reprograms the coordinates to fire at his misguided professors house. The rest is cinematic bliss. While this movie sounds corny as hell, it is somewhat enjoyable if you can get past the fact that it is very dated. Channel 11 used to play this film all the time, but since the advent of the CW, it rarely shows on Sunday afternoons anymore. How about we start an online petition to get Real Genius more television airtime? "V" list project? I'm up for it.

Why The World Needs To Be Jewlicious

I love last year's AMC breakout hit show MadMen. Love it. And part of what it's shocked me with is the incredible anti-semitism that was present in the ad industry not fifty years ago - a fact highlighted by a recent, awful New Zealand billboard headline for the show: "Advertising Agency Seeks: Clients. All business considered, even from Jews." The billboard was pulled (rightfully so). But it got me thinking how prevalent anti-semitism still is today, the world over. Even right here in the U.S., where a presidential candidate's stance on Israel is considered a major policy point. What's up with that? Religion aside, the Jewish culture is pretty frickin' fantastic and has made humanity-shaping contributions globally. Here are just a few (granted some are pointed and glib, but still true) reasons why the world has benefited from and continues to prosper from being Jewlicious.

5. We're Original
Jew chic is a new phenomenon. Long, long, long before Ashton Kutcher claimed Moses was his homeboy and Madonna discovered kaballah, being Jewish got you cast into slavery, thrown to the lions, persecuted out of country after country. But now some people are starting to realize that we're actually an original and unique people. Think of it. The first to embrace our Lord. We established Western law when we brought the Ten Commandments down from on high. We wrote the Old Testament. Not a bad resume, and this was all before we even realized it might be okay to eat bacon and have a glass of milk with our meat (thank you Reformers!).


4. We're Party People
For all the solemnity of Judaic studies...for all the guilt and work and questioning that comes with the Jewish faith, we know how to get down with the get down. The Hora (the dance at weddings where you lift the bride and groom up on chairs)...yeah, that's all us. Wine? We love that stuff. Holidays? Hunker down with 8 crazy nights of Hanukkah. Ever heard of Purim? The treats and sweets could challenge Easter any day of the week and twice on Sunday. To slightly twist the immortal Gordon Gecko, geld is good.

3. We're Tasty
Like the Italians, we love to eat. And our mothers are the first to remind us we have to do it (bubie, you look thin! eat something, will you?). Plus, kosher food is the bomb. Latkes. Matzoh ball soup (in cracker form, Matzoh could double as dry wall). Pastrami and corned beef. Kosher pickles. I could go on at great length, but I might eat my arm accidentally while thinking of all the deliciousness. Then again, if I washed it down with a Doc Brown's cherry soda, it might all be okay in the end.

2. We're Funny
This is a brash and bold generalization...but Jews are consistently the best comics/comic writers of the last century. Don't believe me? Here's a very short laundry list of varying abilities and time periods to show the depth and breadth: Groucho Marx and The Marx Brothers, Mel Brooks, Neil Simon, Woody Allen, Sarah Silverman, Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, Seth Rogen. There are zillions of theories as to why comedy has come to us like the Lord in the burning bush. Some feel it has to do with #1 on this list...

1. We're Resilient
After thousands of years of persecution, the Jewish culture, the Jewish religion (in various forms) and the Jewish people continue to thrive. No matter what atrocities have befallen us as we've been pushed from place to place, had authority given and stripped from us, we've persevered - and succeeded. Some attribute the "Jewish sense of humor" to our ability to cope. Regardless, somehow we've made it. I apologize for the Israeli flag as the image for this point - Israel doesn't reflect the views or represent the totality of Jewish culture or people. But as a nation that is daily contested and threatened, the flag has become a symbol of strength and resolve. Whether you agree with Israel's politics or not, you simply can't dispute that the spirit of survival and dignity carries on. It's sad that the fight for acceptance and understanding continues...but the world is a much better place because it is Jewlicious.

Hey Bro, Your Metro is Showing...

In our post on Reality Shows to Fill Your Summer, one of our readers commented that my selection of "So You Think You Can Dance" exposed my "metro" for all to see. The urban dictionary defines a metrosexual as "...one who a heightened sense of taste, style, hygiene, and fashion." It made me think, are there moments, actions, or choices that reveal the metrosexual inside all of us? The "V" list conducted some independent research and came up with the top five dead giveaways that your metrosexual might be showing. While this list may seem testosterone laden or critical of people that do these things, the author will fully admit that he has committed many of the actions below, and remains comfortable in his own masculinity.

5. Fruity Drinks

If everybody around you is throwing back beer and you're drinking Cosmopolitans, Bay Breezes, and Amaretto Sours, then you're metro is hanging out for all to see. Don't be surprised if every male within a ten foot radius is staring at you like you have two heads. There are however exceptions to this rule. First, if it is extremely hot outside and the party host is offering frozen beverages, then the male gets a pass. Second, if the keg / beer supply has been exhausted and you are thirsty, throwing down whatever is left over on the counter is acceptable. Finally, if the beer has skunked (or it can be found on Michael's list of bitter beers,) then you are ok to drink fruit filled drinks.

4. "Manscaping"

We should all agree that management of man hair is a sound practice to engage in. However just like so many things in life, all things are best when done in moderation. To quote Dave Chapelle, "I heard of trimming the hedges, but you gone scorched the earth!" Some men have taken self-grooming to a whole new level. As urban dictionary says, you might be metro if you shave more than your face...

3. Shoes

If you own more shoes and sneakers than your wife/significant other, I suggest putting your metro in check. Most men own a pair of sneakers, work shoes, blacks, browns, and a pair a sandals for the summer. My work shoes are my old pair of sneakers that began to disintegrate into dust because I wore them for so long. If you have a specific pair of shoes / sneakers that match the color of specific shirts, pants, or outfits, then I'd hate to tell you this, but you're metro is showing.

2. Tanning

I subscribe to the Elizabethan skin tone, also known as "the skeletor". It's not that I am against being tan, I just think it would seem very awkward to journey into a tanning salon and then fake and bake. Most men are only bronze from June until September before fading back into a nice shade of white. If you're glowing and it's mid-February, I would suggest contacting metrosexuals anonymous.

1. Jeans that cost more than a tank of gas

Lord knows that jeans are getting expensive, but if you cannot stomach buying a pair of jeans that costs below 80 dollars, you might be metro. There are a wide variety of styles, brands, and colors that come at affordable prices. If buying jeans at the local shopping mall makes you feel like a peasant then you've achieved a whole new level of metrosexuality. Newsflash holmes but most women do not pay attention to the tag on the inside of your jeans, so get over it.

If you can think of anything else to round out this list, yell at us in a comment.

Comedy's Finest Cult Classics

Cult. Although we have applied the term to recent events, the word hardly bears a shred of humor with polygamists banned from their compounds in Texas. On the other hand, the word ‘cult,’ in the realm of film, undergoes a completely different meaning. Less than savory box-office draw. Word-of-mouth popularity. Massive followings. Endless utterances of unforgettable one-liners. Countless showings on the USA Network. Cult classics in the vein of The Rocky Horror Picture Show have battled time to remain poignant in the minds of fans that follow them. I now present to you the vanguard of comedic cult classics.


5. Dazed and Confused
Fans of Matthew McConaughey may regard him as the 21st century’s answer to Richard Gere, a prominent actor whose work in the romantic comedy genre ultimately defines the body of his work. Despite his riveting performance in Frailty, McConaughey will always strike me as America’s most outlandish cooze hound, a pothead who memorably quipped, “What I love about high school girls is that I get older and they stay the same age.” This film of high school conquest, confusion, and identity-searching brought us all that Ben Affleck would ever be good for: playing the role of a whiny little bitch, in the form of the paddle-bearing Fred O’Bannion. Dazed and Confused also gave people the excuse to partake in a drinking game: for every time the character Mitch Kramer touched his hair while conversing with a girl, chug-a-lug. Jason London’s character, Randall ‘Pink’ Floyd, played the atypical jock, turning his back on the quarterback position to remain true to his friends and a f%*& you attitude. All in all, Dazed and Confused was an altogether poignant ‘stoner’ film, the first of its kind in the 90’s.

4. Super Troopers
Rabid fans of Beerfest (me included) must first pay homage to the film that began the Broken Lizard revolution: Super Troopers. For me, what is especially ironic about this film was the fact that I initially saw it in theaters on its opening night, the same night the Tilghman Square Theatre aired a midnight showing of Rocky Horror—an emblematic passing of the cult classic torch. The antics of a Vermont highway patrol unit were incredibly outrageous, paving the way for Reno 911 and our embrace of the one and only Officer Farva, who understood that ‘liter of cola’ was French for ‘give me some f#$(*-in’ cola!’ The film’s opening scene, featuring a deadpan Officer Ramathorne toying with a troupe of road-tripping potheads, set the tone for a truly remarkable comedy. Pick your favorite moment: syrup chugging; the ‘Repeater;’ the ‘Meow’ game—Super Troopers was full of countless gut-busting gags worthy of cult classic status.

3. Clerks
The first film of Kevin Smith’s triumphant ‘Jay and Silent Bob’ series, Clerks was made possible by Smith’s raising of $30,000 by means of sacrificing his entire comic book collection. The drug dealing Jay, who peddled his goods in front of the Quick Stop, proved to be the crudest, most obnoxious character in recent memory—his lines (“I’ll f#*& anything that moves!”) will remain with movie audiences for as long as comedies are popular. Rooted deep in the film were its Star Wars undertones—Dante and Randall masterfully debated which was the better installment of the George Lucas trilogy: Empire or Jedi? (Personally, Empire wins out every time—Yoda’s first on-screen presence, the saga’s best lightsaber duel, the introduction to the galaxy’s suavest pimp, Lando Calrissian, Han Solo’s “I know” line, Boba Fett--besides, could you ever justify a band of furry Ewoks taking out a juggernaut-like imperial unit?) Because of this film, NOBODY will look at the number 37 or ‘spontaneous’ necrophilia the same way again. Thankfully, Dante reported to work ‘when he wasn’t even supposed to be there.’

2. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Matthew Broderick can be forgiven for 1000 showings of Godzilla for playing the role of a high school hero that EVERYONE pined to be. Broderick was and always will be Sherman, Illinois’ own Ferris Bueller, whose ‘illness’ created a citywide following and the title given to a late 90’s era ska band (Save Ferris). Director John Hughes’s use of the aside, when Ferris parlayed his views and perspectives directly to the camera, was beautifully done and later copied by Mike Myers and Dana Carvey in Wayne’s World. Jennifer Grey may have stolen your heart in Dirty Dancing, but her tryst with a drug-riddled Charlie Sheen and the open admittance of a ‘raging case of herpes’ is what I’ll always remember her for. Kudos to the performances of Ben Stein, Ed Rooney, and Grace (Mrs. Poole in The Hogan Family), whose incompetence made Ferris’ romp in Chicago possible. Ferrari pilfering, parade hopping, and Wrigley Field visiting aside, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off will always personify the ultimate fantasy of playing hookey for the ‘ninth time.’ (Furthermore, we’ll all pretend that the short-lived Ferris Bueller sitcom never even existed.

1. Animal House

The film that gave audiences a reason to avoid ‘double secret probation.’ John Belushi’s performance as the booze-crazed Bluto made the stocky protagonist beyond heartwarming (John Candy in Uncle Buck, Chris Farley in Tommy Boy). Whether he was orchestrating the unforeseen death of a horse, acting as a zit, or chanting ‘toga, toga,’ Bluto will exemplify the over-the-top persona that resonated from Belushi’s future roles on Saturday Night Live. The purely uproarious accolades of the Delta House gave a nod to the realms of debauchery that frat houses have become over the years. Thanks to Animal House, the vacations of the Griswold family and Ryan Reynolds’s portrayal of Van Wilder were made possible under the guidance of National Lampoon’s laugh factory. Not a single wedding passes when partygoers crash the dance floor to jig to Shout and don’t recreate the ever-memorable Delta House bash. All things said, Animal House is the perfect nod to the comedic cult classic.

Honorable Mentions
Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Grandma’s Boy, Half Baked, Out Cold, Dumb and Dumber, Zoolander, and Office Space.

Top 5 Summer Reality Shows

While I've come out against reality television in one of my former posts, allow me to clarity that not all reality shows are terrible. Below you will find the most dramatic, humorous, and entertaining reality shows that will keep you busy while the summer schedule is devoid of quality programming. Some of you may feel that when compared with stellar programming like LOST or House these shows are pure garbage. In my opinion, while these shows may lack the sophisticated character development and complex scripts, they're way better than re-runs.

5. Cops

Cops has been running for twenty years and somehow you can't get enough drug busts, traffic stops, and bad behavior. What's even better about this show is between TruTV and the G4 network, it seems like it's always on. I don't know about you but I love watching a show about bitter Americans who cling to their guns. The best thing about Cops is that it shows regardless of where you are from, stupid people are willing to provide you with cheap entertainment, often at the small price of their own freedom.

4. Party Heat

Fans of Cops will love this reality show that visits the busiest exotic party locations all over the United States. Episodes of Party Heat prove that when you mix tons of alcohol and a college Spring Break mentality, you have the makings of quality entertainment. People will do just about anything when they are intoxicated. My personal favorite was on Lake Havisu where a boat full of college students began to sink when they overloaded a party barge. To make the situation even better, many became belligerent when they were told if they didn't get off the boat they might drown. "Damn it, quit saving my life and let me get super-drunk!" Party on Dude! Party on...

3. So You Think You Can Dance

I recently was turned on to this show, which I believe is more entertaining than American Idol. First off, most of the people that try out for it appear to have so much more talent than the people they round up for the Idol competition. For those of you who believed Paula Abdul was crazy, check out Mary Murphy, who has perfected crazy and turned it into an art form. Another nice aspect is that you will not have to deal with Simon's quirky catch-phrases or Randy's pointless banter. It may not compare with America's Best Dance Crew in terms of sheer wow factor, but many of the contestant's moves will have you saying, DAMN!

2. The Mole

After a long hiatus, The Mole has returned to ABC's line-up. The Mole has 12 contestants try to figure out which player amongst them is the saboteur of their missions. Think, reality television meets clue. While there is no Col. Mustard or Professor Plum, the Mole will and the show's editors will constantly have you guessing. While Anderson Cooper has moved on to bigger and better things (he used to be the host) the show is still as good as ever.

1. Big Brother

When it comes to Summer Reality TV drama, no show can top Big Brother. This reality show, now in it's tenth season, proves that when people from all over the United States are locked into a house for three months without television or any outside communication, crazy things will happen. The last two champions Evel Dick and Adam are some of the ugliest people in all humanity. Adam (last years champion) referred to the autistic children whom he teaches as "retards", while Evel Dick quite possibly was the nastiest player in the history of the game. Whenever I suggest this show to people they always shrug it off and figure it would be stupid, that is until they watch it. I swear it's like television crack. If you watch one season of this show, forever will it dominate your destiny. Don't believe me, the next season premiers on CBS on Sunday July 13th.

80's Cartoons That Rocked Our World! (Male Version)

Today's cartoons cannot compare with their predecessors of the 80's and 90's. While today's cartoons are much kinder, gentler, and politically correct than past cartoons, I would suggest they also suck. Some may find entertainment value in cartoons like Pokemon, but after a while one wants to put your fork in his ear and jiggle it around until the pain goes away. I remember renting the Transformers movie years back in college, and for all it's flaws, it was still 100 times better than the crap that kids get on Saturday mornings nowadays. And while we're on the topic of cartoons, why do networks only show like three hours of cartoons on Saturdays? When we were young, cartoons started at 6 A.M and ended with Land of the Lost at 12:30 P.M. Now that's what I'm talking about! This list is the male version of cartoons that were the bomb. The female counterpart will be coming soon.

5. Thundercats

This sci-fi action cartoon was the bomb in the 80's. If you were a fan of this show then you probably had tons of Thundercats action figures and paraphernalia all over your room. Regardless of how much you love this show, if you were like me you always thought that the Snarf character was a total bitch and wished secretly that he would bite it in some epic battle with the mutants. Mumm-Ra the Everliving remains one of the best cartoon bad guys of all time, and I would love to see Michael Bay recreate Mumm-Ra for the big screen. Now that would be Badass! Thunder Cats HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

4. Voltron

For those of us who experienced Voltron we will debate any Mighty Morphin Power Ranger lovers and inform you that your show was a total rip-off. In America, Voltron did it first, and did it best. While the show followed the same formula episode after episode, somehow we didn't mind. In every installment Voltron got whooped up on for a bit before he broke out his broadsword and wrecked shop. Much like Snarf's character in Thundercats, we secretly wanted the Green Lion to get housed, because it's operator Pidge was a total wuss. Robot chicken did an awesome tribute to Voltron a few years ago. While the real Voltron never breakdanced, he did stomp all over his opponents to the greatest cartoon theme music of all time.

3. He-Man

While He-Man is eerily similar to Thundercats in so many ways, in a male perspective it's like choosing between ice cream and cake. Yeah, they're both dessert, but they both are equally awesome. One could exchange He-Man with Thundercats and number five quite easily, however I followed He-Man closer than I did Thundercats, so this is a personal call. (sorry Danny) Like Voltron, He-Man had a cookie cutter formula to every episode, and always ended with He-Man and his compatriots whooping Skeletor's ass. One of the most traumatic days of my life when when my mom trashed all my He-Man figures. I don't think I've ever quite recovered from that event. I know that secretly some men still have all their He-Man toys stashed away somewhere hidden from everybody that would ridicule them for hiding plastic men in spandex and leather clothing. Don't be ashamed, we here at the "V" list understand you completely.

2. G.I Joe

I had such a difficult time in putting this cartoon at number two, because it deserves to be number one easily. Since I mentioned action figures earlier, let me say that a had a zillion G.I. Joe action figures and vehicles. G.I Joe did not have a bad episode, and unlike some other cartoons, each installment had a unique storyline and focused on a different character each time. Guys everywhere lost it when Duke was killed by Serpentor in the G.I. Joe movie. Fans of the cartoon can only hope that the live action movie will live up to it's Transformers counterpart. In addition to being a great cartoon, every episode came with a public service announcement from your favorite characters after kids were doing something wrong. Knowing is half the battle! Go Joe!

1. Transformers

The schoolyard debate of the 80's was who would win in a fight, the Transformers or the Go-Bots. Siding with the Go-Bots earned you ostracism from the sandbox followed by years of ridicule and mockery. There was only one Optimus Prime. There was only one Megatron. Last year when Michael Bay made his movie, people began to understand the coolness of the Transformers series. The Transformer movie where Optimus Prime ends his own life to save humanity ranks up there in the top 5 moments that changed my childhood. When I graduated Kindergarten, my parents bought me an Optimus Prime action figure, and it has long stood as one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime. While later generations of Transformers, most notably the Beast Wars have let audiences down, the original still stands as the best cartoon of all-time. Autobots, Roll out!

80's Fad's Back by Popular Demand

What can I say about the 80's that hasn't already been said? It was the decade that gave us big hair, spandex, and the brat pack. We all have some photo hidden away from the 80's where we either had feathered hair, or some lame fashion. Unfortunately, some people still walk amongst us that have never given up the decade. You know who I'm talking about. People you work with that still rock out the "Members Only" jacket. How about the girl in the office that still rocks out that big ass hair-do with enough product in it to put a hole in the ozone layer? Don't be so quick to judge these 80's fashion victims because I'm sure that if you checked your closet there's still some relic that you just can't part with. Perhaps it's your Iridescent Oakley jacket, or a pair of acid washed jeans. What is it about the 80's that we just can't let go of? Here's a tribute to the fads and fashions that we thought were totally radical, but in reality wound up being bogus.

5. Slap Bracelets!

Slap bracelets were totally far out, that is until your hoser friend decided to use one to try and slice your wrist. These things came in virtually every color or pattern and drove your teacher and parents nuts. I can't tell you how many times I was told to stop playing with my slap bracelet in the middle of class.

4. New Wave Music and Fashion

In addition to being a musical styling that combined elements of disco with heavy synthesizer, it gave us famous fashionistas like Duran Duran and Flock of Seagulls. A hairstyle whereby a person combs all their hair to one side is still attributed to this day to that crappy band. While I never dressed "New Wave" I had a babysitter that was simply obsessed with New Wave fashion. That included a ton of hair gel or mousse, way to much facial make-up (really weird if you were a guy), and loose brightly colored clothing that looked like you got it from the Salvation Army. While Duran Duran is still rocking hard to this day, I'm sure that they look back upon their 80's roots and cringe in horror.

3. Yuppies

No man should ever have a pony tail, lest he is European or is from a Latin American country and his name is Raoul. This hairstyle was the staple for Yuppies (young urban professionals) that remains one of the biggest stereotypes of the decade. Tons of 80's films depict these BMW driving, cocaine loving individuals as the driving force behind Wall-Street and 80's excess. Following a Yuppie backlash most of these men became the metrosexuals that still plague our urban environments to this day. Hey at least they lost the pony tail.

2. Jellies
What woman who respects her feet would ever wear plastic shoes? I don't know where to start with this one. I never wore a pair of jellies, but I can imagine that one's feet became soaked with sweat being after putting on those plastic nightmares somebody called a shoe. Furthermore, they could not have been approved by Podiatrists across America as they seemed like they would be the most uncomfortable piece of footwear since biblical times. I saw a pair of them for $2.99 at a Payless about two years ago in the Sato-Masicism section of the store, so somebody must still like them.

1. Floods

This is where your pants ended way before your ankles did. To get the desired effect, you would fold the bottom of your jeans over and then roll them tightly. Sometimes people (including myself) got way too carried away and brought their jeans dangerously high up the ankle looking like a tool in the process. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I recall that sometimes your jeans became so tight they cut the circulation in your feet. If you were totally tubular you wore Z Cavarrici's or Jordache jeans. Word to your mother!