Hail to the Chief: Presidents in Film.

Perhaps one of the most persistent and recurring roles on television and film is that of the President of the United States. While Hollywood's portrayal of the executive office may be far from the truth, it way more entertaining and revealing than any press release or declassified document. Hollywood remains light years ahead of reality, having already portrayed a female and african-american president, something we still grapple with here in the "real-world". Hollywood presidents don't just create policy on terrorism, in some cases they roll up their sleeves and kick a little ass too. Here are the top five films featuring our fearless Commander in Chief.

5. Air Force One

This film makes the list purely because it transforms the President (played by Harrison Ford) into an ass-kicking terrorist fighter. I can't think of many films where the Commander and Chief interprets his title literally by donning an MP5 aboard a hijacked jumbo-jet. While there are many moments in this film where you will yell "Bull Sh&%" at the outlandish feats that are accomplished mid-air, you will certainly get a good laugh in the process. Additionally, the casting of this film will surprise you, since William H. Macy, Gary Oldman, and Glenn Close provide outstanding supporting roles in this Wolfgang Petersen cheezefest. This is yet another cinematic steal you can find in the five dollar Wal-Mart bin that isn't as heady or as preachy as the next few films.

4. Dr. Strangelove

While Kubrick uses comedy to liven up the Cold War, he somehow reminds us of the delicate balance between preservation of humanity and total annihilation. I have always thought Peter Sellers was one of the most under-celebrated actors of the last generation, having been so much more than Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau in the Pink Panther films. Any student of film history simply must go out and buy this film in order to appreciate its artistic splendor, and for satirically capturing the spirits and sentiments at the height of the nuclear age.

3. Primary Colors

IMDB.com joking quips that this movie should be called "Hillary and Bill: The Movie". While I have never read the novel that this film was based upon, it encapsulated many of Clinton's shortcomings that have become the basis of so many Oval Office jokes in the past eight years. This film was also beautifully cast and adds a new dimension to the myriad of roles played by fictional presidents, that being the inspirational and morally bankrupt slime-ball.

2. The American President

After watching this film I am convinced of many things, one of which is that Michael Douglas should run for President of the United States. He has wonderful hair, even more so than John Edwards. Secondly, Michael J. Fox is a hell of a press secretary, it's shameful that George W. Bush didn't make use of his talents to spin his public relations disasters. The American President is the movie that has something for everybody. It's intelligent enough to not be considered quirky, yet endearing enough to qualify as a romantic comedy. While The American President can never be classified as a "chick flick" it would rank high on the "list of guy movies that women will watch" for it's love story between Douglas and Annette Bening. The American President could seriously make a run at number one if not for the strength of our final film.

1. JFK

While many of the facts of this film are distorted and/or created purely for Oliver Stone to make his epic film, it does not diminish the movie's obvious brilliance. I once asked a colleague what percentage of the facts did he believe were correctly represented in Stone's film. He guesstimated about 40 percent of the events of the film have historical backing and are "irrefutable". If this percentage holds true, then Stone has made a compelling argument for conspiracy theory that will be debated until the National Archives are completely declassified in the coming years. I have always believed that JFK was more like a religious experience than a movie. I was very young when I watched this film for the first time, yet it had a profound impact on my understanding of the workings of government and its relationship with its citizenry. I'm not saying I took this film at face value, but it certainly impressed upon me the need to constantly search for the truth, something that our Founding Fathers stressed approximately two centuries ago. That's what I call a powerful film.

Why It Should Be Cub Nation

While the Billy Goat Curse lives on to haunt the Chicago Cubs 100 years after the fact, the Red Sox have been cured of the Bambino. And, frankly, I just don't think it's fair. I've seen Sox fans get within 2 inches of an elderly woman and scream at her about her beloved Yankees. Not cool. In my book, if there's any team that should inspire a nation's love and support, it's the Cubbies. I'd write a bunch of reasons why, but I think this marvelous new ad campaign says it all.

Passalong Post: Dangerous 80s "Sports Toys"

Can't take credit for this one. This comes from the blog Deuce of Davenport and it's a friggin' great list. Thought I'd pass it along...

Sometimes when I'm at work, and bored out of my ever lovin' mind, I reminisce about the fun that I used to have as a child...and how on earth I ever survived. I'm gonna take a look back at the "action" toys of the 80s, designed to get all you kids out of the house and playing outside, not inside turning into zombies with those nintendos and ataris that we had...or if you couldn't get out of the house, at least to give you some calorie burning activity while you're inside. Here are some toys that didn't kill you, just made you stronger.


Pogo-Ball

This was a genius device. It was an oddly shaped "ball" in name only with a rim around it that you stood on, locked your feet around the orb up top, and attempted to bounce all over town with. This was all good in theory but practically impossible to do for a growing kid. This thing had to be the cause of all sorts of fractured wrists and knee injuries, especially if you blew it up as much as you possibly could. One bad angle of bounce would send your ass tumbling to the ground, which was inevitably concrete or asphalt because this sucker would bounce way better on that than say, grass. I never got down more than 3 or 4 bounces on this sucker before I got tossed off, probably because my dad overinflated the sucker, yet I kept trying and trying.


Sit 'n Spin

The only purpose of this thing is to spin yourself so dizzy that when you try to stand up you collapse immediately to the floor and vomit. Its like concussion symptoms without the actual brain damage! Its like what daddy feels like when he comes home at 3am smelling like a bottle of Wild Turkey! FUN FOR ALL AGES!!



Big Wheels

One of my favorite toys of all time. So much so, that I really wish I could be riding my own, adult sized, big wheel as I type this. The only problem with these vehicles are that you cant go all that fast on these...except when you go down hill and lift up your feet, but yea, that's not totally safe, as I found out as a kid and I have the scars to prove it. Also of fun was that when you got up to a fast enough speed, you could pull the hand break and skid your big wheel out...or flip it over if you are going fast enough and skid out hard enough. That was fun too. I also liked that the solid tires were great to sharpen sticks to a fine tip when you turn the big wheel upside down. I was a stabby child.

Entertech Water Guns

Ok, so maybe these did help kill some people. The water guns themselves didn't actually kill anyone however, but a few cops did kill some people because the geniuses at Entertech made these battery operated water guns look as realistic as possible...confusing many a law enforcement officer apparently much to the chagrin of quite a few parents. The guns themselves kinda sucked though, once your battery was drained, which was quick, you were left with nothing but a realistic looking useless water gun. What a troublesome piece of crap.



Huffy Bikes

I dunno about your bike when you were a kid, but mine had no actual brakes on it. The brakes were you peddling backwards which then locked the wheels sending you skidding to a stop...sometimes a violent stop, especially if you had no idea how to swerve your bike into a nice steady skid or if you clamped down on those brakes too hard sending yourself flying off or over the bike. Also, we didnt have those fancy helmets kids wear these days either. Apparently head injuries weren't of major concern back in the day...um what was I talking about again?

Just When You Thought Men Were Too Obsessed with Sports...

At least 90% of the male population with a love for sports and access to the Internet have tried their hand at fantasy sports, which allows you to play the role of virtual GM to patch together the ultimate band of athletes as only you see fit. Each and every year, you put together an immaculate squad of unbeatable 'studs' that finishes dead last. Winning a fantasy sports crown is like winning your NCAA March Madness office pool: it simply does not happen. When it comes to fantasy sports, one can engage in the standard Fantasy Baseball and Fantasy Football leagues, two brands of web-based sports that comprises every free moment of a male's life from March to January, if they take it seriously enough. And that's just it. There is a minute sample of the male populous that takes fantasy sports so damn seriously, even Fantasy NASCAR and Fantasy Bass Fishing are available to the fantasy gaming masses. Yes, my friends; some elements of the sports world, namingly of the fantasy persuasion, is like NBC's Celebrity Circus---grossly unnecessary.

5. Beyond the Fantasy Draft

For anyone that has participated in fantasy sports, the absolute best facet of the league is partaking in the draft. Dudes get together, having brought their favorite brew to the draft table, and engorge themselves with copious amounts of buffalo wings in between picking players for their squad. Jabs are made about awful picks (you actually took Brady Quinn in the fourth round?) and men squabble over the guy 'they were going to take with their next pick' that is now off the draft board. But once it's all said and done, men lose interest in the overall proceedings of the league (unless you are one of ten teams that actually has a chance of winning the whole shebang). Take for instance Fantasy Baseball, when the league spans 162 games. Your team has ten starting pitchers, but only five available slots for use. And these hurlers pitch every five days. In order for you to take care of this pitching conundrum, you have no other choice but to regulate your team every single day. And God forbid you have a player land on the disabled list. Then, you have to fish the free agent pool for a lesser player that puts up worse stats than what you intended, forcing you to test the trade market. Do you see how inane things can possibly get in a fantasy league? And this is just predicament five about what's wrong with fantasy sports!

4. Peculiar Garb at the Draft Table

I am guilty as charged when it comes to this particular item on the list, as I showed up to a recent Fantasy Basketball draft donning a Steve Nash jersey. But some men actually dole out $300 of hard earned cash to afford a Mitchell and Ness Joe Montana jersey that gets dry cleaned and is kept in the closet beside the Armani. Although men salivate over the chance of owning a jersey of their favorite ballplayer, when is it ever really appropriate to wear a jersey and not feel like an ass? Other than at sporting events, practically nowhere. Then again, Alyssa Milano sure as hell can pull off that Dodgers jersey.

3. Fantasy Football Sign-Ups Begin Now (as in, June 25th)

I recently logged on to my Yahoo fantasy sports account to discover that 'baseball general managers can now register their account for a fantasy football team!' Although NFL snaps will not be taken until September, you have the ability to draft a team now and....wait. And wait. From now until the start of the NFL season, there will be a fortnight of Olympic play, a Republican National Convention, thousands more MLB games played (with hundreds more to go in September), an NBA draft, the passing of another Big Brother season, and the release of summer blockbusters come and gone, and yet, I have the ability to sign up for a Fantasy Football league. What a frackin' crock! (On a side note, did

you catch that episode of Battlestar Galactica when actors were heard saying frackin' instead of the more colorful F-expletive? I didn't think so. Best Week Ever had to cover those bases for you. Is there any wonder why Dwight Schrute is the only fan of this show?).

2. Obscene Amounts of Fantasy Guides

The number kajillion, beyond anything a googleplex could possibly calculate, was adopted to account for the amount of fantasy sports guides available to the fantasy gaming public. No matter which one you choose, every last magazine will run you $9 and will get your fingers smudged up with black ink despite the facade of its sharp-looking, glossy cover. 75% of the guide is devoted to advertisements, annoying paper subscription requests, and stories covering 'can't miss picks' that you waste your first pick on and ends up fizzling by Week 3 of the season (Reggie Bush, anyone?). This trend needs to die like the phrase 'hot mess.' If Webster's has the right to murder words and excise them from the dictionary every year, why can't there be an authority that banishes print revolutions like this?

1. Meyers, Wolfsheim, and Scribb: Fantasy Attorneys at Law

Run the Google search if you don't believe me. There is a corporation out there that actually takes the time to mediate questionable fantasy sports transactions. If the commissioner of your fantasy league won't hear the uproarious outcry over that lousy Albert Pujols for Jason Giambi trade, there is a lawyer out there, one who had the credentials to pass a bar exam, who will step in to test the legitimacy of your plea and the seedy deal that went down under the noses of careless league participants. The line was drawn and this fantasy sports craze passed it miles back. No wonder the female populous rightfully turns its collective nose at the very idea of men vicariously living out their passion for sports in a fantasy world. As Susan Powter once said, "STOP THE INSANITY!"

Spielberg's Finest

Julia already gave mad love to Steven Spielberg in her top five directors blog, but while browsing the archives for inspiration, I started to count all the amazing films done by Spielberg and wondered, which movies are his finest? In discussion with fellow blogger Bryan, I stated quite simply, "he's (Spielberg) amazing". One can literally rattle off a dozen titles from Spielberg that have made movie history, but if you had to rank them all from top to bottom, what is his best?Without any further delay, we pay homage to the top five feature length films directed by Mr. Steven Spielberg.

5. E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial

When it comes to iconic images in film history, few can compare with Elliot's silhouette against the lunar background in the climax of E.T.. I was only about 4 when E.T. was released in theaters, but I will forever remember it as the film that stuck with me throughout my entire childhood. Only Spielberg could make you care for a puppet, (which was mad lifelike long before CGI) to such a degree that you were crying at the end of the movie when E.T departed for his home planet. While E.T. has been pushed aside in the past two decades, it remains one of the most remarkably heartwarming science fiction stories of all time.

4. Raiders of the Lost Ark

Since there has been so much Indiana Jones talk lately, let's revisit the film that started it all. Notice kiddies, there's no "Indiana Jones and the..." in the title. This film made archaeology seem so cool, except when you're getting chased by pissed off Yanomamo Indians who want their golden idol back. I've seen "Ongka's big moka" (third world documentary on New Guinea fat man) and Spielberg makes the third world seem so much cooler than those stuffy documentaries. While it may not be historically accurate, I'll take my ancient history via Dr. Jones any day.

3. Saving Private Ryan

Spielberg's World War II epic has redefined in an entire genre of filmmaking. While SPR is certainly not the first film to show the gruesome reality of warfare, it was however one of the first films to accurate capture the "look of warfare" exactly right. Watching Private Ryan is akin to a deep religious experience. While there have been many copy-cat attempts to gank Spielberg's mojo, nothing can compare with Private Ryan. Saving Private Ryan has inspired countless other films and video games, and reminded us all why we owe so much to those who have come to be known as the "Greatest Generation".

2. Jaws

One tagline from this film was, "You'll never go in the water again!" It's the truth because I hate swimming in the ocean, and it's all because of this damn movie. Everything about this movie is perfect. If you want to truly appreciate how difficult is was to accomplish these cinematic feats in 1975, watch the documentaries on the making of Jaws. It will give you a whole new appreciation for what Spielberg was able to do. While this film spawned a series of garbage sequels the original Jaws starring Rob Scheider, Robert Shaw, and Richard Dreyfuss remains a timeless classic.

1. Schindler's List

Jerry Seinfeld made out during this movie, so he'll never fully appreciate how incredible it was. I could discuss this movie for hours and dissect its brilliant casting, script, and artistic qualities, yet what keeps me coming back to this film is its basis in truth. Schindler's List recounts one man's campaign to save nearly 1200 Jews during the Holocaust. Perhaps the greatest aspect of this film is the way in which Spielberg paints his hero, Schindler. Liam Neeson portrays Schindler as a womanizer, a drunkard, and a salacious man who rises above his human faults in search of a higher calling. One cannot proclaim himself a "movie buff" without viewing this movie. While there are numerous historically based films in Spielberg's library, Schindler's List is the premier choice in a list of countless others. Lest we forget, 'The list is absolute good. The list is life.' Quite the mantra to live by.

Think I got it all wrong? Yell at me in a comment...

Top Five Ways to Regain the Man Card

I took a lot of flack a while back when I wrote the post on ways to lose your man card. Thus I have decided to give you a definitive list of acts you can engage in to reinstate the man-card you frittered away. First, a disclaimer, the man card does not know a boundary between the heterosexual and the homosexual. It's easy to see revocation of the man-card as some kind of proclamation that the former card-holder is gay, nothing could be further from the truth...they simply can't be a card carrying man. If you are guilty of too many violations its time to get that card back

#5. Hold open the door.

Simple and effective, whether you are with your lady-friend or a group. Grab the door and let your associates through. It will restore some points on the tainted card, or throw a few in the bank. Note: other acts of chivalry will also do well.

#4. Play with children

Odd as it may seem it takes a man to take care of kid. But it takes a real man to play with a child. Play hide and seek, tag, act like a monster, in the case of some of you, stop acting like a monster. Toss a ball or ride a ripstick. Get out there and play with some kids. There's nothing worse than the dude that won't get off the couch because nursing his beer is more important than nursing his inner child.

#3. Work Out

I know this sounds like something you see in men's health. But there is nothing manly being sedentary. I realize lots of guys are big-boned, husky, whatever you like. But if you've tainted your manly status, run a mile, lift some iron, hit the heavy bag. Get some man-points back who knows you might be able to see your feet again.

#2. Pick Up the Check.

You're out with friends at a bar. You're at lunch with coworkers. You're on a date. Get the check. Even if you're broke a joke, spotting your lady that Big Mac and Fries is the mark of man's man. Man-card=reinstated.

#1. Dress like a man.

There are some that would say dressing well and with style is the sign of less-than-manliness. These people are men that can't dress. Gay or straight, go shopping, because let me tell you no matter what your friends tell you, the faded logo tee and cargo shorts are not OK to wear to the office. Buy shirts that fit, and for God's sake, either tuck the dress shirt in or pull it out, no one wants that extra fabric roll. And if somebody tells you that a suit is for the stuffy, not the manly politely tell them that Sinatra wore a suit and his man-card beats yours and he's been dead for a decade. Start dressing like a man and maybe just maybe that man-card you forfeited on the infield fly rule might just get reinstated.

Grandma's Boy: Experience It

Grandma's Boy, from the Adam Sandler production house Happy Madison Studios, is a memorable addition to the 'stoner film' genre. From a collection of films that brought you Half Baked, Dazed and Confused, the Harold and Kumar titles, and the Cheech and Chong series, Grandma's Boy put many recurring actors from the Adam Sander films (Allen Covert and Peter Dante) in the spotlight, all of whom dazzled with countless one-liners and gut-busting moments. The film paved the way for Jonah Hill's first major supporting role (you may recall his work as an eBay merchant in 40 Year Old Virgin or better associate him with Superbad, his comedic opus). Despite her turn as Ray Romano's mother, this movie figures to be one of Doris Roberts's better roles (who wouldn't want a gamer-obsessed granny?). Seeing as 'dick and fart' jokes were all but exhausted in the 'stoner' genre, Grandma's Boy proved to be a pioneer, in that the majority of its laughs come at the expense of cracking jokes at male gaming behavior for the first time on a large scale (with the exception of the Genesis NHL segment in Swingers and the Tekken snippet in Virgin). Compiled for you, via YouTube, are some of the finest moments that Grandma's Boy has to offer (in no particular order).

5. Dance Dance Revolution




4. S$%&'s Weak!



3. Yeah, but it's a f%&$ing sweet car.



2. Adios, turd nuggets!




1. We'll go to the loony bin together.




Memorable Characters
David Spade's role as the vegan waiter Shiloh, Kevin Nealon as Mr. Cheezle, Dr. Shakalu, and the Karate Monkey.

Why You Should Purchase Coldplay's Latest

First and foremost, Wal-Mart is offering copies of Coldplay's latest album for the low cost of ten bucks, a price that entails more bang for your buck via the sounds of one of the music scene's biggest bands. Three years in the making, Viva la Vida is a testament to the band's growth that does not come at the expense of departing too far from what makes the band incredible: stadium anthem sound, rising melodies, and deeply affecting lyrics. Given a four-star rating by Rolling Stone magazine, Viva la Vida is a singularly spellbinding effort, one that you must appreciate from track one (a wonderful instrumental entitled Life in Technicolor) all the way through. The album proves that Coldplay will continue to leave an enormous impact on the musical landscape.

5. Viva la Vida evokes Radiohead, Pink Floyd, and U2, and still sounds original.
Coldplay, much like the aforementioned bands, is a quartet that must be heard live in order to fully appreciate their energy and ability. Their latest album captures what they are capable of in live venues like Giants Stadium and Wembley Stadium, an expanse that suggests their worldwide appeal. The tracks compiled on Viva la Vida pay homage to the bands that have influenced Coldplay without going so far as ripping them off.

4. It serves as a tremendous windows-down, anthem-driven summer album.
Much like previous Coldplay efforts, Viva la Vida conveys a collection of tracks that is heavy on the melodies and sweeping piano, guitar, and string arrangements. Although quiet in parts, the album is to be enjoyed at high volumes, as it captures the aura of summer. Rather fitting, when you consider it was released three days before the summer solstice. The lyrics emote political thought and feelings on war, love, and solitude, a telling look into the mindset that sets Chris Martin and his bandmates in motion.

3. Viva la Vida sold extremely well in the U.S. and U.K.
For two weeks and counting, Viva la Vida has topped the charts in the United Kingdom and will soon unseat Lil' Wayne's Tha Carter: III as the number one album sold in America, a reign that more than likely will continue well into July. In combination with Weezer's latest album, Coldplay has started the summer season with an explosive effort that will accentuate the band's summer and fall tours with setlists enriched by stellar tunes. In addition to the band's first two singles, the tracks Lost and Strawberry Swing sill soon seep into the American music fanatic's conscious.

2. The 1-2 Punch of the Singles Viva la Vida and Violet Hill

Well before its intended June 17th release, Coldplay released the album's first single, Violet Hill, free of charge on its website, a move that helped carry the band's Billboard momentum into the last week of June. The song sounds far different from the piano-laden formula that defined their catalogue, but the repetitive rock chords emphasize the risks that Coldplay was willing to take to establish themselves as more of a rock band and less of a pop band. Then came the colorful iTunes ads that made Viva la Vida, the title track, the number one selling single in America, something the band has never accomplished in its platinum-studded tenure, even with memorable songs like Yellow, Clocks, and Speed of Sound to their credit. These two tracks are merely a sampling of the superb tunes the rest of the album doles out.

1. Chris Martin's Haunting/Uplifting/Poignant Vocals
Phil Collins is Genesis. John Fogerty was Creedence Clearwater Revival. Bono is U2 (and maybe the Edge, too). Dave Matthews is....well, the band is named for him, after all. All kidding aside, Coldplay is Chris Martin. Piece his vocals together with static and Coldplay would still sell copious amounts of records. Martin's vocal capacity has even seeped into the hip-hop realm, as he has teamed with Kanye West (Homecoming) and Jay-Z (Beach Chair) for some amazing tracks. In concert, Martin serves as the band's barometer, as his energetic performance is what bandmates Jonny Buckland (lead guitar) and Will Champion (drums) thrive off of, something that has helped encapsulate the unique sound that Viva la Vida projects.