This Month in Sports: June's Best and Worst

The month of June, at least for two major sports, is championship month, a time in which the NHL and NBA seasons come to a close and baseball comes into focus as the premier sport to follow. In the 2008 edition of June, the Detroit Red Wings manhandled the Sidney Crosby-led Penguins, a championship run that not even a diehard NHL fan could savor, considering that the majority of the NHL's docket of playoff games airs on the Versus Channel, home of bullriding and the Lance Armstrong-less Tour de France. June had its share of ugly moments (the shameful firing of Mets manager Willie Randolph, the rise and fall of yet another Triple Crown hopeful, and Floyd Landis's official loss of the 2006 Tour de France title), just as it had its splendid ones, as compiled for you on this latest edition of the V-List's look at sports.


5. Manny Being Manny
ESPN personality Peter Gammons (who would have my vote as the next baseball commissioner) once remarked on Manny Ramirez's power stroke, stating, "The guy could pull a speeding bullet over the Green Monster if given the chance." A recent addition to the 500 HR Club, Ramirez has done quite a bit to infuriate baseball purists. Where to start? Aside from his atrocious play in left field, Manny, on one momentous occasion, went inside the scoreboard at Fenway to relieve himself, nearly missing a fly ball hit his way. On an inside fastball thrown by Roger Clemens (during the 2003 ALCS, in the midst of an at-bat where the ball came nowhere near him), Manny charged the mound, which precipitated the infamous Zimmer/Pedro scuffle. He has oft-traded his ballcap for a do-rag and has demanded many a trade to leave the confines of Boston. His latest accolades were perhaps the most telling and disturbing of a laughable career rife with head-scratching moments. This past Saturday, while the Sox were in the middle of an interleague series with the Houston Astros, Manny requested sixteen tickets for use at Minute Maid Park. Boston's travelling secretary Jack McCormick refused the request, as this particular inquiry (not uncommon by Manny's standards) was exorbitant. This prompted Manny to throw McCormick to the ground, complete with a verbal berating: "Just do your f&%*in' job." A common quip for such actions? That's just Manny being Manny. I would love to be forgiven for tossing one of my superiors to the ground (as of press time, the Red Sox did not plan to discipline Manny in any way).



4. Josh Hamilton: The Natural
On the last day of June, Josh Hamilton of the Texas Rangers recorded his 80th run batted in, a substantial feat when you consider where his life had taken him. Drafted by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 1999, Hamilton was a can't-miss prospect, a player projected to be the next Mickey Mantle. By many scouts' standards, Hamilton was a five-tool player (an athlete packaged with the ability to run the bases, throw the ball, field anything put in play, hit for average, and hit for power), with a sixth tool primed for use in his arsenal: character. Choosing him with the number one pick was a no-brainer. As he was chosen straight out of high school, Hamilton was on his own for the first time, away from a tightly-knit family that was present at every stage of Josh's baseball life. During his stint in the minors, Hamilton hung with the wrong crowd, getting mixed up with crack users who lured him to a debilitating demise. It was these actions that ultimately led to his removal from baseball, one that was self-inflicted and heavily influenced by his overpowering addiction, tattoo obsession, and the racy life of a strike-it-rich baseball star. While Hamilton was at rock bottom, he visited his grandmother, who was moved by the sight of young Josh, who was a ghost of his former self. She saved his life by forcing him to check into a rehabilitation clinic. During this experience, Hamilton found Christ and a number of mentors willing to tend to him. By 2006, Josh was drug-free and ready to take another stab at baseball. It was during this time that the Cincinnati Reds, after drafting him in a Rule 5 exchange with the Chicago Cubs, took a chance on him. During the 2007 season, preceded by a 16-game stint with the Hudson Valley Renegades at the end of the 2006 campaign, Hamilton played in a mere 90 games, a time in which Josh hit .292 with 19 homers and 47 RBI's, a small sample of what he has become in 2008. Traded in the offseason for lights-out pitcher Edinson Volquez (a player who, at this rate, will unanimously win the NL Cy Young Award), Hamilton will more than likely start in the outfield at the All-Star Game, the last ever to be played at Yankee Stadium. Very fitting, when you consider that Josh was labelled as the 21st century rendition of the Mick, a distinction he is still capable of reaching. The sports fan in all of us root for something like that to happen.



3. Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.!
The last time the Boston Celtics were contenders for the NBA title, Kevin McHale was still running the floor of the Garden, a dazzling superstar who toiled as part of a dynamic lineup that included Larry Bird, Robert Parrish, Dennis Johnson, and Danny Ainge, the current front office executive for the Celtics. Now, as current Minnesota Timberwolves' vice president of basketball operations, McHale orchestrated (with Ainge, nonetheless) one of the most lopsided trades in league history, bringing Kevin Garnett and a championship to the city of Boston (for a truckload of peanuts and a poor man's Kevin Garnett, Al Jefferson). In combination with Paul Pierce, Ray Allen (acquired in another trade with Seattle), and the underrated Rajon Rondo, James Posey, and Kendrick Perkins, Kevin Garnett, beaming with confidence and the enthusiasm of a school boy looking to make the varsity squad, vanquished Los Angeles in a hard-fought NBA Finals, accentuated by a 131 - 92 drubbing of the Kobe Bryant-led Lakers. The Celtics, through all they accomplished in the most astounding one-season turnaround in NBA history, played a brand of basketball that brought fans, including myself, back in droves.


2. Cubs Win! Cubs Win!
Although this slot could belong to the Tampa Bay Rays (see what happens when you drop the 'Devil' from your name: Tampa is on their way toward sweeping the Red Sox in a three-game set), the Chicago Cubs have earned it, compiling a stellar 31 -13 record at home through the month of June. The Cubbies have been without Alfonso Soriano for a lenghty period of time, a superstar who is currently enduring his second stint on the disabled list. In addition, Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano has missed substantial time and is due back on the mound this Friday evening. Although swept on the road by the Chicago White Sox (who, conceivably, could be their 2008 World Series opponent), the Cubs have maintained the best record in the National League, thanks in part to the mythical presence of instant-hit Kosuke Fukudome, the resurgence of Kerry Wood, the surprise hurling of reformed ace Ryan Dempster (who predicted that the Cubs would end their 100-year World Series drought), and the fiery managing of one Lou Piniella, whose leadership has changed the culture for the North Side's most lovable losers. Harry Caray, this one's for you!



1. Tiger Woods at the U.S. Open
Tiger Woods is the Professional Golf Association, past, present, and future. Woods's most recent triumph, a 91-hole run to the U.S. Open championship at Torrey Pines, resulted in another Majors conquest for Tiger, a classic win that brought him one step closer to Jack Nicklaus's Majors total mark of 18 (Tiger has 14 at the ripe young age of 32). After besting Open hopeful Rocco Mediate in 19 playoff holes, Tiger Woods attained the type of acclaim that is worthy of Paul Bunyan status: as it turns out, Tiger played those 91 holes with a stress fracture in his leg and a tear in his ACL (both of which will require season-ending surgery). Foolish? Perhaps. Legendary? No doubt about it. The 2008 U.S. Open victory will go down as one of Tiger's, if not the PGA's, best ever. And, as if Tiger didn't need the drive to fuel his dominance, he is doing this all in the name of his late father Earl, who passed in May of 2006. (NOTE: Below is one of Tiger's most recent Nike commercials. To hear a father speak the way he does about his son will truly bring tears to your eyes. Should it not, you have no soul).

Baby Puking Marathon from AFV!

This is the a montage of babies throwing up their guts. It's simultaneously disgusting and hilarious. Enjoy!

Don't Mess With Perfection: Unnecessary Sequels

Fans generally welcome sequels as an opportunity to add depth and breadth to a story which couldn't be covered in a two hour time period. However in some cases, we the viewers would have been better off if the rest of the story was left to our imagination. As an example I present the unnecessary Donnie Darko sequel, which may actually diminish the quality the original film. Just because a film is a commercial success, or becomes a "critics choice" doesn't mean that we need alternative stories from the film. The "V" List presents those films in a series that must be erased from memory in order to salvage the original.

5. The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones

Episode III was the only enjoyable prequel from the Star Wars series. If Lucas had enlisted the services of a creative writer, they could have penned Anakin's youth and upbringing in forty five minutes of script, rather than waste six hours of my life. While we're bashing Lucas and his poor decisions, I want to say yet again, why did I have to suffer through Jar Jar Binks? In all honesty, both films have only thirty minutes of salvageable material, which boils down to the creative lightsaber duels at each film's climax. I like to pretend that these films never happened, and begin my viewing of Star Wars with the raiding of the Tantive IV. Hardcore fans can tell you with certainty that Star Wars and the Prequels are two separate entities, of which the latter generally do not exist.

4. Psycho II

There was never a reason for a second Psycho movie ( or a third for that matter). The story of Norman Bates and his momma issues played to conclusion by the end of the first film. I didn't require any further information about Norman and the operation of his hotel, so let's just leave this one alone. How many people actually seek out the Psycho sequels in the video store? I'm sure there aren't many people jonesing to watch these film, which begs the question, why were they made in the first place?

3. American Pie II and III

While there were funny moments in both of these films, they seriously diminished the quality of the original. We didn't need to follow these characters all the way up to the ripe old age of college graduation, careers, and marriage. Hell, why stop there? Why don't we check in on Jim and the crew with the birth of their first child, or even joke about his overwhelming mortgage payments and conformity into domesticated society? There is a reason some comedies become cult classics and others do not. The classics know when to say when. Therefore, I'm hoping we never see a Superbad II, Knocked-Up II, or Half Baked II: Twice Baked.

2. The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions

The second and third Matrix films could be two of the most disappointing sequels of all time, especially since the original film was so revolutionary in its own right. Sure we get to see Neo fly around and fight agents, but was it all necessary? Think about the Matrix trilogy and ask yourself, "What was accomplished?" Absolutely nothing. In the outset of the Matrix films, the human race was enslaved by machines that created and faux universe to maintain order. Select individuals were "unplugged", and began their struggle to free the minds of those who were entrapped by the false reality. Now think about the series ended? Humanity was still being enslaved by the machines, sans Neo. The final two films only accomplished the death of Neo and his love interest Trinity. From humanity's perspective, now they're up Sh&^ creek without a paddle. This series would have been better off if they left Neo's story unfinished. People would still be talking positively about the Matrix films but instead, the trilogy is now labeled as one great film with two intolerable sequels.

1. The Godfather Part III

There's a third Godfather film? Really? I'll continue to act like an Ostrich with its head in the sand and pretend this piece of garbage was never created. I couldn't stomach the whole plot line involving the Pope and could care less about Michael and his children at this point.

 As if one couldn't predict that Michael's life of crime and excess would eventually consume him and those he loved. I thought the first two films did a fantastic job at establishing the sacrifices that were necessary to accumulate such power and wealth. I didn't require a pile of dung film (that didn't have all the major players) which was only created to milk the Hollywood cash cow. If you're like me, just pretend that none of these films were ever made, so that you might continue to live out the rest of the story in your mind. I guarantee that your imagination of how the rest of the story plays out is a million times better than the trash that Hollywood chose to create.

Any other sequels really bother you? List them in a comment.

ADD ON: 5 Reasons Kinko's Should Implode

Kinko's is evil like the devil. I find it so sad and aggravating that even today, when Microsoft Word will let you "print to Kinko's" with the touch of a button that the experience is still so terrible. If there's any solace, the Kinko's name is dead. Long live...er...FedEx Office? Under any name, a pig is still a pig. And it stinks. To cheer dear, wounded James and any of you who have suffered a similar fate, I give you the following advertisement.

Top 5 Reasons Kinko's Should Implode

We all have document needs. Maybe you need to make color copies, or handouts, maybe you want to make a large scale print, Kinko's, soon to be Fedex Office, is there to fulfill all your document needs. Except for one thing, actually going there causes me to go through a very sustained pattern of emotions. First fear at the pain and anguish I know is coming, then pain and anguish upon arriving, then unmitigated rage as the minutes drain into hours. 

So without further ado...the top 5 reasons I hope every Fedex owned office service center implodes in on itself instantaneously. 

#5. They don't care about you.

The kinko's employees, I call them kinkies, would rather skin a live grizzly than do something for you. I recognize that as a customer, my project is the biggest deal in the world to me, but to them its just another print job, but please, a little help here. Show a little concern since you guys are suppsoed to be the document people. And another thing, why is it there is always a working area behind the desk the size of a football field and two people manning the stations. There are yards of expensive equipment arranged and powered back there and it always looks like the two working the wheels were the last two left standing after an intelligence-seeking bomb ripped through the place. Despite all the equipment back there they always want you to do things yourself, which leads me to...

#4. The Gear

You came to Kinko's with a CD, the CD has a color PDF on it that is 16 pages, you need 20 copies of it for a presentation you're giving. While it would be easier for you to hand it to Kinky and get it done, no-no, he is too busy not assisting other customers. And so, he directs you to the self serve computers that line the place. Looking for a deal, you head to the basic PC, after all printing a PDF isn't rocket science. Unfortunately, a basic machine at Kinko's is a Dell from 1998, running Windows 95. It operates as if it were purchased from a serial porn-viewer on Craig's List. The mouse pointer jerks across the screen like a cocker-spaniel trying to catch the dot from a laser pointer. The keyboard has a thin but measurable film of human residue left over the course of the machine's decade of service. All of that would be bad enough...except for the other thing....

#3. You're on the clock. 

The fine folks at FedEx aren't quite kind enough to give you access to these glistening towers of computing power for free. No, no. You have to pay, by the minute. I forget the rate now I think its $25 a minute or so, but adding to the excruciating login time, the computer requires you insert your credit card so it can process payments. I find it both ironic and infuriating that the computer holds your card like a bouncer with an ID until it's good and done with you. In return a small window pops up maintaining a running total of just how deeply you're getting screwed by this glacially-paced, whore of a machine. Despite the computing set-backs, Adobe Acrobat launches (well if it takes 3 minutes does is qualify as a launch? more like a climb) and I can print my document, I click print, on color_laser_1 and.....

#2. Print? You Came to Print?

Two things happen, one I am informed by the digital bouncer holding my credit card that I will be charged roughly 18 bucks a page for color copies, because apparently despite the leaps made in printing technologies it still costs the rough equivalent of a space shuttle launch to get a document done here. Fine, I accept the charges (i.e. bend over). Then the second thing happens...nothing. 

I sit, look around, and yes, yes indeed from the row of printers I see exactly nothing printing. This does not prevent the clock on my machine from ticking the dollars away mind you. It just means that there are no pages emerging. I investigate. I am looking for color_laser_1. Shouldn't be too hard. A large business like this with access to devices like labels must have taken the 3 minutes necessary to label their printers. But I forgot, I am in the second circle of hell and there is no indication which printer is screwing me. And so I head to the desk. 

"Pardon me, one of your evil little printers is taking my money, and refusing to work."

Kinky comes over and determines that color_laser_1 is out of paper he loads it. But the job as timed out. So I need to reload, will I be charged? He doesn't know, but I do....I grab my ankles again, accept the charges and finally pages emerge. 

Somewhat satisfied and certainly lighter in the wallet, I close out my account with the vile computer and stack of paper in hand make my way out the door. Then, my number one reason for hating Kinko's takes hold. 

#1. I hate the person I become. 

We've all experienced that person. The one who hates their life and decides to take it out on everyone around them. I realize as I try to bustle my way to trimming/stapeling area, that I have become that douche bag. I'm overdressed, stressed out, short on time, and just got taken for a ride on the Kinko's cyclone and I hate my surroundings and the people in them. I snap and people, I cut the line, I am the asshole and I hate it. I have no one but Kinko's and myself to blame, however, I blame Kinkos. 

Five Days in the Life of Amy Winehouse

Amy Winehouse has had one of the single most remarkable months any person can experience. It seems like every single day, there is another shocking press release about her bad behavior which stems from her chronic drug abuse. At what point do the authorities step in and do something about it? This woman is clearly a danger to herself and others, and should be institutionalized before she ends her own life. Friends and family have tried to make her go to rehab, but she keeps saying no, no, no ( I had to do it). Here are the top 5 memorable moments  from the month of June from the queen of bad behavior, Amy Winehouse. 

5. Taking trips to Disneyland

Amy is no stranger to courtroom drama, and most recently she described the courtroom as a trip to "Disneyland." Amy's disconnect from life is most apparent from her blatant disregard for the legal system. At a pre-trial hearing involved her husband, Amy arrived to the courtroom hours late, flirted constantly with her husband, and engaged in a note-passing session which ended with her mouthing "F-U" for all the world to see. After dropping the F bomb, Amy stumbled to her feet and walked out of the courtroom. Clearly this was the first misstep in a series of bad moves during the month of June.

4. Performing for Nelson Mandela

Only days after her release from a hospital, Amy was given an opportunity to perform at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday tribute. This could be the only good day in the entire month for the troubled star, since not many individuals are given the opportunity to perform for the man who symbolized the end of South African apartheid. Onlookers stated that despite her recent hospitalization, Winehouse looked healthy and in good spirits. Unfortunately, Amy dropped the ball with song selection and chose "Rehab" as part of her two song surprise setlist. Way to go Amy, you are given the opportunity of a lifetime and you sing about drug abuse and your inner demons. Why are we not surprised?

3. Tuberculosis, Emphysema, or Just Crack?

Winehouse was rushed to the hospital after fainting. Doctors feared Amy might be suffering from a case of the dangerous pulmonary disease tuberculosis, however it became more clear that her chronic smoking and drug use were leading to emphysema. The medical staff and family stated that Winehouse was contributing to the early termination of her life as a result of her poor choices. Clearly this was not the same woman who seemed to be on the road to recovery in February when she received multiple Grammy Awards for her excellence in music. What was even more shocking was the way that Amy celebrated her release from the hospital (and the topic of our number two entry).

2. Celebrating a Hospital Release with a Good Cigarette

I don't know about you, but when I get out of the hospital from a potential tuberculosis/emphysema diagnosis, I love celebrating with a good ol' cancer stick.  With behavior this rebellious, one wonders if she is genuinely crazy or seeking more headlines and attention.

1.   Fan appreciation takes on a whole new meaning

How do you end a month filled with hospitalizations, court dates, and musical concerts for international dignitaries? By punching out one of your fans at a concert. Amy's june went out with a bang when she jumped off the stage at the Glastonbury Festival and threw a punch at a male onlooker. While nobody knows what provoked the altercation, it is clear that this is just the beginning of a summer to remember for the beleaguered singer. Let's hope that she either comes to her senses or is institutionalized before we are reading about her untimely death from substance abuse and a fast lifestyle. This "V" list author and millions of fans are hoping that Amy can overcome these demons before it's too late. 

Water Pollution: The Five Worst Ocean Based Movies

While we debate the potential dangers of offshore drilling, very few realize that the ocean has already been befouled numerous times by those Hollywood liberals whom often seek to "Save the Planet". The following oceanic films are so bad, they make Waterworld seem like a cinematic masterpiece. Only the Sci-Fi channel, notorious for resurrecting any piece of crap, will replay these pieces of garbage. Inspired by the beautiful beaches of Wildwood Crest, New Jersey, I present the films that make you want to move as far away from water as possible.

5. Ghost Ship

Gabriel Byrne held such esteem in my heart (for his role in Usual Suspects) until he made this garbage film. Also starring Julianna Margulies and Isiah Washington (formerly of Grey's Anatomy) as part of a salvage crew that happens upon a haunted ocean liner. If you combined a bastardized version of The Shining with The Love Boat, you would have the premise for this movie. While I couldn't possibly tell you in one paragraph just how awful this film is, please know my shame in having been one of the only people in this country to have seen this movie while in theaters. Like I said, I was a sucker for Gabriel Byrne. That son of a bitch!

4. Deep Rising

Much like Ghost Ship, Deep Rising centers around a group of modern day pirates who loot an ocean liner only to discover that somebody, or something, has already killed every single passenger aboard. Treat Williams (of the WB's Everwood) was never allowed to act in a major motion picture after completing his  performance as Finnegan, instead being doomed to portray cardiac surgeons on failing TV shows. The entire concept of this movie is such garbage, and can only be stomached with dangerous levels of anti-depressant drugs. In fact, the film is so bad that if you watch it in its entirety, you die within seven days. True story, it happened to my neighbor.

3. Leviathan

This film reminds me of Aliens, with two exceptions. Unlike Alien, which is set in deep space, the location for this film is miles under the ocean, cut off from all human contact on the surface of the water. Secondly, while the Alien is badass, the creature from Leviathan is a slug, which could have been killed if the first person it ate just stepped on the damn thing. I mean seriously, who gets waylaid by a slug? You must be a real tool to be set upon by a creature with no limbs or jumping ability. After being eaten (?) by the slug, the new beast continues to consume the crew one man at a time until somebody realizes they should kill it. If you really want to watch a great movie with a deep sea theme, rent James Cameron's Abyss with Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.

2. Orca

Jaws is good. Orca is bad. No matter how hard you try, you can never make me afraid of Shamu. I could write my own synopsis of how terrible this movie is, but instead I'll allow the tagline from the film to speak for itself. And I quote, "The killer whale is one of the most intelligent creatures in the universe. Incredibly, he is the only animal other than man who kills for revenge. He has one mate, and if she is harmed by man, he will hunt down that person with a relentless, terrible vengeance - across seas, across time, across all obstacles." Right.

1. Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

Take all four previous films, combine their offensive nature, and it still falls short of this movie. Some people will try and bait you into watching Shark Attack by saying that it's funny. Don't believe them. The fishing term catch and release appropriately describes what one should do when they come into possession of this movie. First of all, the shark is so huge it makes the fish from Jaws 3 seem like a guppy (and that damn thing destroyed Sea World). Secondly, the acting and writing could be some of the worst of all time. Finally, many of the "special" effects combine National Geographic footage with a guy in front of a blue screen. Think I'm joking, hit up YouTube for clips of this floating turd. Much like any floater, these titles deserved to be flushed.

What to Read This Summer

About four summers ago, I endured recovery from knee surgery that put me out of commission for several weeks. During this span, I read an upwards of eight books, as I had the ability to do little more than break the binding of some remarkable novels, memoirs, and works of non-fiction. Now that I am in the midst of directing a summer school program at my high school, I am currently plodding through Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and John Knowles's A Separate Peace, two required readings in my course instruction. Prior to this summer school gig, I had the pleasure of delving into a number of books that should be part of your very own summer reading program. Bring them to the beach or lounge on a hammock and give each your full attention.



5. Seven Seconds or Less by Jack McCallum

As lead NBA beat writer for Sports Illustrated, Jack McCallum reinvigorates the sport with precise journalism that is second to none. By means of Seven Seconds or Less, McCallum joined the Phoenix Suns during their 2006 season as an on-hands consultant, recording the squad's every operation by attending team meetings, mandatory practices, and at least 75% of the Suns' regular and postseason docket of games. McCallum's reporting is succinct, poignant, and insightful, exposing the Suns for the wonderfully managed team they are. McCallum's account hones in on what the Suns were capable of doing (bowing out in the Western Conference finals) without the aid of All-Star forward Amare Stoudemire, who could not play in lieu of microfracture knee surgery. McCallum gives you a sense of what certain players are all about: Steve Nash (quirky), Stoudemire (misunderstood), and Shawn Marion (self-centered), all of whom wistfully satisfy coach Mike D'Antoni's every request by means of fulfilling his philisophical approach to run-and-gun offense: get the ball up the floor and in the basket in seven seconds or less (which, according to D'Antoni, is insufficient time for the opposition to set up its defense). As a Knicks fan, even I could appreciate the splendid things the Suns could accomplish, all due to their presence under McCallum's investigative microscope.



4. Eats Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss

The title of the book is derived from a joke on bad punctuation:

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
“Why?” asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
“Well, I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up.”
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. “Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”

Throughout the course of Lynne Truss's 'zero tolerance approach to punctuation,' readers are dazzled by immensely humorous fixes and answers to the global epidemic of punctuation ineptitude. As a teacher of language arts and various rhetorical forms, I have referenced this book on a number of occasions, even going so far as to use the insightful examples and models peppered throughout Truss's beautifully scripted pages.

3. 1776 by David McCullough

David McCullough is an incredibly disciplined historian whose 'textbooks' read like suspense novels. His various takes on the Truman and Adams administrations, as well as the story of the Johnstown Flood and the construction of the Brooklyn Bridge, are treasures of the non-fiction form. With access to anything he needs from the Library of Congress, McCullough often locks himself in his cottage to craft his next work of art, one that is sure to inform and enlighten. Arguably his best work, 1776 tells the story of America in its infancy, where tyrants ruled and rag-tag militias triumphed, due in part to the noble leadership of one General George Washington, our first commander in-chief. McCullough proves to be incredibly well-versed in all that he does, as his books (like Goodwin's works) are fortified by means of some 70+ pages of works cited. His heart truly bleeds American.

2. Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin

For all the fine work that McCullough amasses, Doris Kearns Goodwin matches it with efforts related to the Brooklyn Dodgers, FDR's impact on America, and the Kennedy administration. Aside from these works, Goodwin shines as THE expert on Abraham Lincoln, a scholar whose many books on America's sixteenth president will move you to chills. Her magnum opus, Team of Rivals, tells the story of the unlikely Republican nomination of 1860, taken by none other than Lincoln himself. The book highlights the politcal genius of Honest Abe, made possible by the very men he ran against, all of whom (William Seward, Edwin Stanton, Edward Bates, and Salmon Chase) grew to love a man they once thought inept. In what feels like the greatest story ever told (credit goes to Goodwin for enveloping you in this notion), Team of Rivals magnifies America in one of its most prominent and darkest eras, a time in which Lincoln was able to duel adversity to bring America to a glory sustained well beyond our nation's Reconstruction era.

1. The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs

Author A.J. Jacobs, who penned the eye-opening 'encyclopedia' Know It All, goes to work on your conscience, moral code, and soul by means of his superb book, The Year of Living Biblically. Raised in a secular setting throughout his childhood (although Jewish, Jacobs's family would place a Star of David atop their Christmas tree every holiday season), Jacobs opts to devote a year toward living the Bible (both Old and New Testament) as literally as possible, a crusade inspired by his uncle, an Orthodox Jew who did the same thing for a small juncture of his life. Prior to this spiritual escapade, Jacobs put together a 72-page list of some 760+ rules and regulations scripted in the Bible, some self-explanatory (thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife), some bizarre (one shall not boil the meat of a lamb in milk), all of which test Jacobs's capacity to live a just and praiseworthy life. His look at the Bible is incredibly intelligent, inspiring, and hysterical, all of which encapsulates Jacobs's ability as an expressive author.