Bad Bitter Beers

Recently, some colleagues and I went to a small, Beligian pub/restaurant near the office that serves hundreds upon hundreds of beers...each in a special glass to maximize the flavor of each particular brew. The following brews, no matter what you serve them in - from a clear, sparkling pint glass to a red Solo cup - always taste one grade above your urine. Which is sterile, at least. Everyone has his/her favorite bad brew from the frat days. Feel free to comment and add to The V List's Keg 'O Shame.

5. O'Doul's
AKA: beer for older people who won't want to get drunk. This overpriced bottled water doesn't even supply a satisfying buzz to mask its oh-so-salt-watery flavor. Seriously, this stuff should be used for mummification. It carries a curse, not unlike King Tut.









4. Sapporo
Japanese for "blerg!" Apparently, rice is used in the brewing process. Mistake numero uno. For all the incredible Japanese innovations in the world, this beer is not one of them. I feel like it's probably more useful as a formaldehyde-like substance to keep sushi fresh as it's transported across the Pacific to your local Asian fusion restaurant.





3. Busch Light
This was our dorm beer. Why? It was so cheap and so flavorless that it was the perfect choice for creating the Warren Towers specialty drink, "The Force."

Recipe: Take 3-4 cans of Busch Light or other inexpensive, watery beer. Pour into mixing bowl or pitcher. Add one can of frozen lemonade. Then fill the empty frozen lemonade can with cheap vodka (Gordon's does the trick!) and add it to the mix. Stir vigorously with a wooden spoon, stick, large pen, etc. Consume liberally. Think that sounds gross? Never underestimate the power of The Force...or its tremendous flavor! Don't worry...you'll be so drunk, your tongue won't know the difference. For "The Dark Side," use limeade.


2. Natural Light/Ice
Otherwise known as Natty Light or Natty Ice, this beer just sounds like bad news from the start. I can't help but hear "gnatty" and think of a malaria infested swamp. Flies everywhere. Feeding upon our rotting carcasses. Ew. Then there's the silver bullet-style can that just screams of quality. For the love, this Natural brew should have died off by natural selection long ago.






1. Milwaukee's Best
There simply is no equal for "The Beast." I have never had more than half a can. I simply can't get past the bitterness. As a colleague once described Heinekin (which isn't that bad), The Beast is reminiscent of old vajayjay. You can't stop The Beast, you can only hope to contain it. This is one fiercely bad, bitter beer.