Monday, June 15, 2009

Its Wiitarded!

For anyone who follows the E3 gaming conference, they will tell you that Project Natal (Microsoft) and PS3 are trying desperately to cash in on the "motion capture" controller scheme being used by the Wii. Instead of using a joystick or gamepad, this new technology uses your body as the controller. Now you can flail around the living room as Godzilla, or skateboard just like Tony Hawk. If Rock Band and Guitar Hero helped us channel our inner rock star, then its a no-brainer that innovative control schemes are the way of the future. After all, its this simple control scheme that has moms, dads, and senior citizens breaking into the gaming community. While Microsoft and Playstation are sure to follow suit, I'm less optimistic about the Wii. Call me old school, but I'm a fan of using a joystick or controller, rather than making lewd hand gestures repeatedly to play a game. While this is my biggest aversion to the "revolutionary" system, I could name more, five more to be exact. But before I spew venom, here's a word from my sponsor, the "Wii Boys" of SNL. Very funny!

5. Where are the games?

Aside from the major titles like Zelda, Metroid, and Mario where are the new original intellectual properties? The Wii is basically geared towards a plethora of mini-games packaged together for 49.99. Within a few weeks, why isn't it surprising that almost all of these titles end up on the bargain bin rack at Wal-Mart. I would say that 95% of the titles for this system are pure garbage. Many of them can't even garner a rating over 6 in Game Informer magazine, and that's difficult since the give almost every game an automatic 7 of 10. While Nintendo is moving tons of hardware for the system, a breakdown of software sales reveals a darker side to the system.

4. If I wanted to play Tennis, Baseball, Golf, I would just play THEM!

Again, call me old fashioned, but aside from a rainy day, what self-respecting athlete would prefer to stand in their living room?  Dude, get out of your house, get some fresh air and get some real exercise. Which brings me to my next point...

3. The Wii is NOT a fitness substitute!

As much as it tries to be, you are NOT burning serious calories by running in place on a "fake" track. I think its a nice strategy to get people to be active, but this is in no way a substitute for a gym membership. If you are really concerned about your health and well being, go on a diet and hit the gym. Buying Wii Fit will not cut it, and judging from the size of your Mii, it looks like you could need a little more physical activity.

2. It's technologically worse than the system that came before it!

For all its flaws, the GameCube had more impressive graphics than this piece of garbage. Perhaps if they could combine jaw dropping graphics with a tight motion control scheme, I would be more of a fan. Honestly, most of the games look like they were created by the Disney Channel, or worse Nickelodeon. Why do all the damn games look like an episode of the Telletubies! Let's hope that the next generation console from Nintendo is a bit beefier for hardcore gamers.

1. LCD Televisions are paying the price!

Remember when you were little and you wanted to play ball in the house? What did you parents say to you? Go outside so you don't break something! Sure the Wii uses simulated motions, but when every single game comes with a disclaimer so you don't break shit, this could be a problem. Here is a website devoted to several household items which became casualties of the Wii.

1 comment:

Bryan Pol said...

Don't forget the fact that Nintendo is falsely promoting safe-sex practice by expecting you to wrap up your Wii-mote with a silicon condom. Don't people know that abstinence is the key when it comes to your Wii nowadays?